Well that's 2004 nearly done with, and what a year it was. With pneumonia and being told i was about to die, which was quite scary,and all the HIV and diabetes and the 6 months of recovery off of work, its been ok really. Its been a year of a lot of soul searching and and re-evaluating my life. Im still not totally over it all yet, but in getting there. So here's to 2005, it can only get better......
Happy New Year to you all..................
Nothing really much is going on at the moment, it alway's a bit of a lull after christmas and no ones really sure what is going on. So I wont go on. Im watching Motorhead on bbc2 anyway.
Those of you that dont have the Live Aid dvd i urge you to go out and get it, not only to help the dying people in Africa, but to realise just what a fucking seriously great group Queen were. The stole the show big time. In contrast, The Who ( who I love ) sucked donkey bollocks big time. They were very under rehearsed and it showed. You could see that Pete Townshend didnt want to be there.
I remember on Live Aid day that I was 13, and i was at a school fete. I watched the opening hour or so, then went up the school. I ran home about 5.30 to watch Queen's set. I was sat on our sofa with my Mum, just so in awe of what I was watching on the tv. They were so powerfull as a band. I will never forget that day as long as I live. Along with the day that i was at Queen's last ever concert with Freddie Mercury at Knebworth park.
Its funny how some things make a lasting impression on you..I remember it like it was yesterday and it was 19 years ago!!!
All together now...
Weeee are the champions... my friends!!!
Its a loverly frosty morning and it looks really christmassy today. Some parts of the country have had snow over the last couple of days, so that has topped it off for them. Im just going to have a quiet day today, after all the eating and drinking of yesterday, I need to have a rest. Mind you, i'm not working tomorrow either.
Have a fun day all!!!
Cant you see I'm easily bothered by persistance?
One step from lashing out at you
You want in to get under my skin and call yourself a friend
I've got more friends than you, what do I do?
Is there no standard anymore?
What it takes, who I am, where I've been, belong
You cant be something your not,
Be yourself, by yourself, stay away from me
A lesson learned in life, known from the dawn of time,
Re, spect, walk
What do you say?
Re,spect, walk
Are you talking to me?
Are you talking to me?
Run your mouth when I'm not around, it's easy to achieve
You cry to weak friends I sympathize,
Can you here the violins playing your song?
Those same friends tell me your every word
Are there no standards anymore?
No way punk!!
Walk on old boy!!
What a result.We got let out of work three and a half hours early!! Ive just been to see my dad and step mum,and dropped cards at my sisters house's. Now all there is to do is have a bath, grab something to eat and get myself down the pub!
So here's wishing you all a great christmas, and I hope everyone enjoys themselves!!
Well it's nearly here,only 2 more days to go.I hope you have all have your crimbo shopping done and are ready to eat drink and be merry. Its gone potty at work. We are shipping stuff out by the pallet load. It'll be mad this week and next week, then it will die a death.Not much is really happening at the moment, and I seem to be on some even keel as well, not much is really bothering me.I spoke to my Antony VERY early this morning, just before I went to bed, and he told me something I wanted to hear, which was good.
Im off to do my last minute prezzie wrapping and card writting, then I'm off to work.
Yesterday was a real tough day at work. I was in no frame of mind to be driving a forklift around.I managed to get through with loads of coffee breaks and stolen chocolate. I went to see my mate Dale after work, and he has thrown himself into christmas, he has no tree and no decorations up!! Miserable bastard!! I cant believe its christmas day on Saturday, it just feels like a normal week to me. Ive got so much to do aswell.Ive got to wrap all the presents up and bye some christmas cards.I can see me doing it on christmas eve when i come home from work.
At least this year I am well and I will be able to enjoy it. Last year I was in the grips of pneumonia and wasn't in very good shape. Ho hum...we live and learn.
Words can not express how shit i feel today. I have a monster hangover...no wait..I think im still drunk!!! I went out clubbing with Antony last night with the intention of not getting to pissed up..well I didnt....until I got home and thought it would be a good idea to carry on drinking. I got into a conversation with Larry and Njlb about english slang words again. The more drunk I got, the ruder i was getting. Fuck knows what they think of me now!!! Rude disgusting english cunt!!!!
Im going to try and sort myself out before work....dear god..this is going to be a tough day!!!
Ive had a very hectic last couple of days,playing and listening to the songs for tomorrow. I went to the music shop this morning and got some new drum skins and sticks. Thirty four fucking pounds they cost me!!!! Dear mother of god!!. Its beena while since I brought things for my kit, now i know why.
Im really looking forward to tomorrow night. I'll let you know how it all goes.
Thankfully yeasterday wasn't to bad at work. My mate Dave nicked me a box of chocolates so I scoffed those all day. It was very cold though. I got a text from Antony to say happy birthday, and I got a text from my neice Terri and my nephew Paul, they were really nice to get. Plus also a big thank you to NJLB for the loverly e card that he sent me....i really made me laugh and was so true!!
I started to learn some of the songs for the gig yesterday. I tried the harder ones first..I must admit that I'm a bit scared..but it'll be ok...............I hope!!!!!!!
I have finally recovered from last night.I was going to add an entry when i came in last night, but i could'nt see the screen. I went to see Antony yesterday afternoon. He was a little hungover bless him, but he was really funny. I love him to bits.
Well anyway, I went to the pub last night and got right royally hammered. I was drinking double brandy and coke all night, and managed to talk utter bullshit all night.I walked back to Lee's to get my prezzy and then tried to get home. I do remember being sick over the railing's outside the local police station. I bet they have it on cctv the bastards. I dont remember much about getting home after that. I was sick again when I got in, then I went to bed.
This morning my mouth was as dry as a nun's cunt and I felt like shit on a stick. I slowly got myself into the world and took my dogs for a walk. I had a good chat with Larry this morning, He wanted to know what some of the english phrases i use mean. ( you americans!!!! ) so I told him some of the rude ones and he was happy with that.
Ive spent the rest of the day pretty much doing nothing!!
Ive just read on AOL news that guitarist Dimbag Darrel has been shot dead!! What the fuck!!? Ok..I was never a real hardcore Pantera fan , but this guy was a seriously heavy player and came up with some monsterous riffs. Its shit that something like this happens just because Pantera split up and he formed another band. Apparantly this nut just walked onto the stage and shot him 3 times at point blank range in the head then started shooting into the audiance...what a cunt!!
R.I.P. DIMEBAG....REST IN PIECE.
Well christmas dinner was very nice really, which was something of a surprise to all of us. I ate far to much really and could have done with a nap afterwards.I had a bit of a late night really, as I had to be up at 7.30 this morning. Well, I got up at 8 so it was close. I went to pick Lee up as he was coming to the hospital with me as we had to fill in some questionaire or something. It was early, I wasnt in a good mood and it took me 45 minutes to drive 2 miles.Needless to say, I wasn't a happy camper by the time i got there. I had my check and all seems to be fine still, which is good, Ive got to go back next month for another check, then after that it should be 2 months all going well.
Right ive got to go to shit work
I felt like I was getting a cold yesterday, courtisy of Craig, but it appears to have come to nothing thank god. It worth having all these tablets as it means I dont come down with anything....cool.
I still havent started practicing for the gig yet. Ive got to set my drum kit back up over the weekend and get to work on it. I downloaded the set this this morning, so I'll put them on c.d. and get cracking on it next week.
Christmas dinner today at work...that should be nice!!!! : -(
Im still on a bit of a buzz from last night, although my forearm muscle's are a bit tense this morning. They are not used to playing like that..more practice needed me thinks.
I spoke to Antony yesterday, i text him to see how he was after Sunday night. He was a bit pissed off as had lost £20 somewhere in the puff bar.Bless his heart, if I had any spare money this week I would give him £20 so he could get by. Love his heart, he is trying so hard, I just worry that he is going to burn himself out.
I had a quiet day today. I took Mum shopping this afternoon then after that I went to see my Grandmother who is 85 bless her. She's keeping quite well but is showing signs of wear now. Her hip is going and she has got cataracts on her eyes. Bless her she is loverly. I dont see her near as much as I should do. That can be my new years resolution.
Tonight I went out for drinks with Antony and Jamie. We only went to the local gay night club, and that was beacause Jamie wanted to go. Im becoming really fed up with the gay scene, I just dont seen to like it like I used to...am i turning? lol. One night I want to get dressed up head to toe in the leather garb and go to a leather bar. I really dont know why, but I loved seeing Freddie Mercury in his shiny leather stuff from about the 1979 era, and Rob Halford from Judas Priest ( who is gay ) in his full leather gear. They are not my type sexually but I really love the look. I think it would suit me well and just once I would love to try it. Why the fuck dont they have gay bars that play heavy metal music? Perhaps I'm being to picky.. Perhaps I'm drunk..Perhaps I'm just a cunt?....... HA HA!!!
Im still upset this morning, but im not as bad as last night. Ive had some groveling text messages from Lee saying sorry. He does'nt normally admit he's wrong unless he thinks he is. He knows he's upset me.
Im learning Here comes the sun...great song
Not only did Lee leave me out of his birthday celebrations until the last minute, he went and arranged something to do next Saturday night and forgot it was the only night that I was going to see him before my birthday. What a cunt!!! I cannot tell you how angry I am. I left his birthday drink after 2 hours. His friend Dan is an utter camp queen wanker, who kept having a dig at me all night, and was in grave danger of getting a good kicking from me. Lee then managed to more or less ignore me for the rest of the time i was there. I dont like being made to feel a cunt, so I left...after a row outside the pub.
I went to see Antony and Jamie who cheered me up no end. Antony has been doing to many hours and was very tired. Im so worried about him. Jamie was good tonight, he really cheered me up, I just felt like smashing something up or punching something. Im going to bed now... alone.....again
Its absolutly fucking freezing tonight with a really thick ground frost. It was horrificly cold at work, and I voiced my opinion to anyone that would listen, from the management to the union reps. No fucker took any notice though, bastards.
I spoke to Antony last night, the first time ive spoken to him this week.He is good from what i can make out. It was good just to talk to him for a couple of minutes, i do miss him.
Its Lee's birthday tomorrow so I suppose i'll have to go out and get him a prezzy. Fuck knows what im going to get him.
Well yesterday started a bit shit as the car wouldn't start when I went to work, so I had to make a frantic phone call to my mate to come and get me.The battery had finally died on me and it wouldn't turn over. Sooooooooo, ive been out this morning down the town to get a new one, it wasn't badly priced at £60. but it was fucking heavy to carry home.Ive put it on the car and all is well, it started first time.
The other piece of good news, it that my new mobile phone has arrived. Its very posh but I cant work it yet. Ive done the basics, like a cool ring tone and so on. I'll take the handbook into work and learn how to use it.
Im ever so slightly hung over this morning, damn that Belgian lager!! It feels like Monday again today, as I was off yesterday, i feels like a mini weekend. Ive only got today and tomorrow then im off again for the weekend. I like these 4 day weeks.
No parcels this morning either thank god. I went to bed quite early for me, I think it was about 12.30, and I didnt wake up until 10am, thats a long sleep for me as I normally only sleep about 5 hours a night. Im waiting for a couple of T-shirts to come through the post. These are for my birthday that my Mum has got for me.Bless her.
Its cold and foggy this morning, I know I have to take the dogs out, but I really dont want to. Its far to cold, and if they shit it will be steaming. Not nice.
P.S. Still no phone!!
I must admit that I am a bit embarrassed with myself that i turned up for a church service drunk!! It was partly Lee's fault as he kept bying me pints of beer. Ok I know I could have said no..but thats just plain rude.
The service itself was a bit of a farce I think.The catholic wing was there as was the african carribean wing. They were saying what the were doing for there culture to help fight H.I.V. and aids, but there was NOT 1 person to reprosent the gay community. Not fucking 1. The word gay wasn't even mentioned. If you didnt know anything about H.I.V. and aids, you would have thought that is was a problem just for straight white women and afro carribean people. This seemed slightly surreal as there wasn't any of their people in the congregation, it was full of gay white males. Funny that isnt it? This has pissed me off to a great deal and I will be asking a few questions to my local helth authority, who had something to do with organising the event, and my local council, who kindly sent some fuckwit along to talk about something she didnt know fuck all about.!!!
I consoled myself with some extremely nice, and very strong, Belgian lager aferwards in a loverly pub called Weatherspoons. Great beer at a cheap price. I shall be visiting there more often.
Right..im drunk and im going to bed...night people.
P.S. Love you and miss you Antony baby!!!
Its a dull and dreary Wednesday and its world aids day. I have my little red ribbon on for the day as do my dogs. Ive put one through they're collers. Lee and me are going to this service at Rochester cathedral tonight, ive never been before so I dont know what to expect. My h.i.v. councilor has informed me that she will be taking a hip flask full of vodka and coke along, so at least we can have a little bevvy while we are there. Then when its over its straight into the pub over the road from the cathdral for a few pint's of good wholesome real ale.
The wanker courior came at 7.45 this morning and brought the reat of my christmas parcels. There are a few things that i'm still waiting for, like a couple of computer games for the kids and a couple of personalised things for my sisters.They are coming soon by post apparantly. They fucking well want to turn up before christmas.
Because I have today off ( YAY!!! ) Im going to take the hounds out for a long run.
p.s. Still no fucking new phone!!!!!!!!!
The fucking courior from the catalogue decide it would be good if he delivered some of my parcels at fucking 7.30 this morning. I know normal people are up and getting ready for work at that time of the day...BUT NOT ME!!!!. I work from 2 - 9.30pm for the reason that I dont have to get up early. Because I hate it. Out of the 12 item's ive ordered, ive only recieved 3. This is apparantly due to work at the warehouse, so I think im going to be up early all week answering the door to that wanker. To make matters worse, my new phone wasn't one of the thing's delivered!!!
I ate sooooooo much chocolate at work yesterday that I felt sick when I came home last night. I just cant seem to help myself though, although I will try today. I had a fairly good day yesterday.Craig and me had some good fun, and we had plenty of tea breaks. Today is going to be much the same I think, but we have Diddley as manager today, and he is always on our back's trying to get us to work harder. which of course we dont!!
Time for some exercise
Give me the sense to wonder
To wonder if im free
Give me the sense to wonder
To know I can be me
Give me the sense to hold my head up
And spit back in their face
Dont need no key to unlock this door
Im gonna break down the walls
Get out of this mad place
My neck is still aching this morning, ive been putting deep heat on it to help with the stiffness ( stop being rude NJ ). The stuff stinks though which is the only problem. I managed to stay in last night, despite Antony sending me text messages trying to get me to go out.I would have love to have done, but I needed to have a rest.
I managed to do all my christmas shopping last night though. I didnt even leave the house either. I done it from the catalogue, so I just chose what I wanted then phoned the order through....sorted. I spent just under a £1000 this year. I must be honest. I spent £450 ( around $750 ) on a new mobile phone for myself. That's my christmas present to me!!! Last year I got myself a Sony digital camera that was £500. I love spending money!!!
Ive only gt a 4 day week this week. Ive got Wednesday off as it world Aids day...dont forget people!!! Im going to a church sevice at our local Cathedral. Suppose I best really...I wonder if there will be any alchahol there? !!!!
What a fucking blinding gig that was. I was seriously loud and we had some really cool seats, so that we could see everything.My favorite moment was doing some heavy duty headbanging with my youngest nephew ( who's 9 ) and my eldest nephew ( who's 17 ). That was a really special moment for me, and I must say that i had a tear in my eye at the end of the song. This gig done me some good I think.It really blew some cobwebs out of me, it was good to have a real rock out.
My throat, my neck and my shoulder are going to hurt like fuck in the morning but what the fuck..it was fun.
As it says in a Kiss song...Whiplash a heavy metal accident!!!!
Im going to see Status Quo tonight in Brighton. This is my second big rock show of the year. The last one was Rush at Wembley Arena, and they were awesome. Its a bit of a conflict of interest's tonight, as Motorhead are playing at Hammersmith Odean tonight and I really wanted to go to that, but I take my Mum to see Status Quo every year, so I had to give in a bit. This is the only date that everyone could do. We could have gone next Saturday to Wembley Arena to see them, but its Lee's birthday, and Ive been to a concert on his birthday before and that went down as well as a truck load of dead rats in a tampon factory. Needless to say ive not done it since. I haven't got to drive to I can have a few beers to numb the pain a bit.
I will report back later...
Long afloat on a shipless ocean
I do all my best to smile
'Till your loving eyes and fingers
Drew me loving to your side
Sail to me, sail to me
Let me unfold you
Hear I am Here I am
Waiting to hold you
Did I dream you dreamed about me
Were you hare when I was fox
Now my foolish boat is leaning
Broken lovelorn on your rocks
I had a fairly good day a work today. I had the ump big time when I got there, but I soon cheered up. I was singing at the top of my voice for about 3 hours, Everything from Whitesnake to Abba. They all thought I'd taken something, im never normally that happy.
I got a text from Antony saying he cant remeber much from last night. Im not surprised really. Dear god that boy can drink, he drinks me under the table, and I can go some. He's at work tonight bless him..I dont know where Lee is.
All life is a mystery
All things come to he who waits
All things just a twist of fate
It's just a state of mind
All your time is not your own
It's real hard to find out why
It's real hard to say goodbye
To move on down the line
Both your eyes wide open
You see the shape I'm in
It wasn't of my choosing
It's only bones and skin
And I will plead no contest
If loving you's a crime
So go on and find me guilty
Just one more fucking time.
I am, Im me
Who are you to look down at what i believe?
I'm on to your thinking and how you decieve
Well you camt abuse me I wont stand no more
Yes I know the reason
Yes I know the score
I am, and I'm me
I will, you'll see
I am and I'm me
How I tried to please you live the way you said
Do the things that you say like the living dead
Then the truth it hit me got me off my knees
It's my life I'm living I'll live as I please
Im really tired this morning. Ive only had 3 hours sleep. I was thinking about Antony and Lee and what im going to do about it. It's tough. bacause it Lee's birthday next Saturday, my birthday the week after, the christmas and new year. I dont feel good doing it with his birthday coming up.Id much rather wait till after crimbo, because when it happens the shit is going to hit the fan big time. Im prepaired for that, but I think it will be worth it in the end.
Its really cold and damp this morning, and there is a fine mist hanging in the air. It looks really good hanging over the river valley. I might try and get a couple of photos of it. Ive got a few things to do then its off to work for me.
Today was ok at work. I went like the clappers to start with, the didn't do fuck all after 7 o clock. We had some fun though.
I went out with Antony tonight. We only went to a local gay club, which was dead. He had a lot to drink again and I had to carry him home to bed.Im getting used to it now though. It was good to see him though, his smile always cheers me up.
Life's a mess..just need to sort it out..when i pluck up the courage..this is the hardest thing ive ever done..and I dont know how to say its over. Not with Antony, but with Lee
This is some of the nicknames for people at work,
Craig- Oi Oi
Andy- Way J
Steve H- Touchay Turtle
Steve C- Scary, Plug
Tony W- Santa, Lord Many Section
Tony H- Tone the Moan
Simon-Suicidal
Mark D-Bob the Builder
Gary T-Turd bugeler, Wing commander Turkington, Turd blower
Rob- Tyrone, dump truck
Gary S-Baldy locks and the three hairs
Terry-Toxic...his breath stinks
Mark B- Shaggy..because he looks like him
Nathan-Village..because he's an idiot
Ian W. Lord Snooty, M'Lud
Mark F-Mad Frankie, Crankie
Julie-Princess Fiona
Andy D- Diddly Dye, Disaster
Dylan S..Bob Noxious
Not much to say again this morning. I feel pretty good this morning though, but thats always subject to change. Craig's mother i law is being buried this morning, so Ive got him and his family in my thoughts at this time. Right on top of christmas aswell.
Oh Ive just realised its my birthday in 2 weeks. Best start planning some festivities of some sort. 32 dear god.
right time to take the hounds out
I now know why I dont go to other people's work party's. It's because I fucking hate them.!!! You dont know anyone so you stand there on your jack jones all evening feeling like a complete knobend. The party in question was Lee's work do. I popped in after work and he was already pissed up, so I just had a couple drinks and said I ate something dodgy at work and it had given me the shit's so I had to go home. Lame excuse, but he brought it. We dont have a works do as such. There all loads of different shifts so we just tend to go out with our own shift. You can choose who you invite then. We are a very funny bunch at work, not everyone gets on.
Speaking of work..Today as quite fun. We managed to eat a fair amount of chocolate today. I love it when we get the christmas stock in. Theres so many new sweet's to try. All stolen of course, it makes them taste better. We have a little fun plan to wind up Village ( Our name for Nathan..as in the village idiot ) I cant say to much at the moment, but if we can pull it off it will be hilarious!!
I spokw to Antony earlier aswell. He's managed to change his shift to more or less the same hours as me. I wont see him during the week, but he will be off over the weekends so we can see each other more. He's been working different hours to me for the last couple of weeks so I haven't seen him much. It'll be nice to see him more. I do miss him.
Not much to say this morning really. I had a pretty much fun day at work yesterday. The whole crew were there for dinner, so that was great fun. We are starting to get into silly season at work, so im going to be a lot busier.
On the gig side, I found out yesterday that I only have 25 songs to learn in 3 weeks!!! Oh fuck!!!
Ive just got back from the doctors and everything is ok thank god. I had to take a fresh wee sample in, but they didnt give me a pot to piss in, so I did it in a mineral water bottle.Also it didnt show that I was out on the lash the other night, which is good.
Im going to have a little nap before i go to work, I dont like getting up early.
Im really tired tonight, im paying big time for getting slaughtered last night. Im getting far to old for it you know. Its not going to be a late one tonight, as I have to be at the doctors at 9am for my first diabetes check. They took my blood a couple of weeks ago so I should be ok. Ive been drinking water all day to try and flush my system out of alchahol. I bet I get sussed out.
My buddy Craig was back today.I havent seen him for ages ans I was really pleased to see him. Mark is coming back tomorow, so i'll have all my buddies back.I dont know about Rob though. He badly cut his finger on Friday and he had to have a stitch in it. Hope he's ok.
Im off to hit the sack....no wank
Oh dear mother of god. I feel like hell this morning. Ive just got in from shopping with Antony and Jamie, they are worse than my mum when it comes to food shopping. At least she writes a list and knows what she wants before we go,they make it up as they go along.
Im not as depressed as I was last night. Things just got on top of me again. This seems to happen on Sundays ive noticed.Whatever it is, i'll deal with it and get through it somehow.Im just waiting for it all to explode.
I owe, i owe its off to work i go
I know im a bit drunk..but im not coping at all. This is the lowest ive felt for ages. I know what i want but i just cant seem to get there. This is the hardest cryptic writings i have ever done
Dear Mother dear father
What is this hell you have put me through
Believer Deciever
Day in day out live my life through you
Pushed onto me whats wrong or right
Hidden from this thing that they call life
Dear mother dear father
Every thought id think you'd disaprove
Curator dictator
Always cencoring my every move
Children are seen but are not heard
Tear out everything inspired
Innocence
Torn from me without your shelter
Barred reality im living blindly
Dear mother dear father
Time has frozen still whats left for me
Hear nothing say nothing
Cannot face the fact I think for me
No guarantees it's life as is
But damn you for not giving me my chance
Dear mother dear father
You've clipped my wings before I learned to fly
Unspoiled unspoken
I've outgrown that fucking lullaby
Same thing I always hear from you
Do as I say not as I do
I'm in hell without you
Cannot cope without you two
Shocked at the world that I see
Im an innocent victim please rescue me
Dear mother dear father
Hidden in the world you made for me
I'm seething I'm bleeding
Ripping wounds in me that never heal
Undying spite I feel for you
Living out this hell you always new
This just about sums everything up.
Shed a tear 'cause im missing you,
I'm still alright to smile
You know I think about you everyday now
Was a time when I wasnt sure
But you set my mind at ease
There is no doubt your in my heart now
Sad boy take it slow
It'll work itself out fine
All we need is just a little patience
I said Suger take it slow
We'll come together fine
All we need is just a little patience
I sit here on the stairs 'cause id rather be alone
If I cant have you right now
I'll wait here
Sometimes I get so tence but I cant speed up the time
But you know love theres one more thing to consider
Said boy take it slow
And things will be just fine
You and I'll just use a little patience
Said sugar take the time
'cause the lights are shining bright
You and I've got what it takes to make it
We wont fake it
Never break it
Cause I cant take it
Ive been walking the streets at night
Just trying to get it right
It's hard to see with so many around
You know I dont like being stuck in a crowd
And the streets dont change but maybe the names
I aint got time for this game but I need you
Yeah I need you
Ooh i need you
I need you
This time
Its freezing again this morning. I hate this cold weather, i like the nice hot summers. I t gives you a reason to ge out of bed early and go up the garden and eat you breakfast and feel the warmth of the sun on your face. At least you wakr up feeling happy and ready to take on the day. I notice that I always sleep in more in the winter. I never get up until around 10.30, where in the summer I get up at 8. Oh well, it cant last long.
Im going to have a lazy day today. Ive got 3 guitars to re string and tune up, which is always fun..not! Ive got to go over some of the Slayer song's I learnt yesterday just to brush up a bit. I learn Mandatory Suicide, War Ensemble, South of Heaven and Postmortom. A couple of them were surprisingly easy to do, where others were'nt. They have a lot of very fast riffs and runs in them, they'll sound killer though when ive mastered them. Ive got to pick up my drum sticks again though this week and start to prepare for that gig next month. Ive got about 20 songs to learn and get straight in my head. I'll stick them all on c.d. and listen to them in the car. I'll have to set my kit back up again and start to limber up a bit, im well rusty.
Oh well.................
If I could have my wasted days back
Would I use them to get back on track
Tried to warn my karma's burning
Look ahead but keep on turning
Do I have the strength?
Or do I let go?
Can I find it inside to do what I should have known
If I could have my waste days back
Would I use them to get back on track?
My lifestyle detemines my deathstyle
Keep searching
This search goes on
On and on
Im frantic tic tic tic tic tic toc
Ive worn out always being afraid
In this stream of fear that ive made
Treading water Im full of worry
This frantic tic tic toc of hurry
Do I have the stength?
Or do I let go?
Can I find it inside to deal with what I should have done?
Now you know this aint the kind of life for you
It's not the way you thought that it would be
If I could change my way for you
If I could change it wouldn't be me
And you see
I know I never tried the things I should have done
and time is always passing by
I want to do the things ive never done before
So I do try not to tell a lie
When im so low
When im so high
But you cry when i say i cant give you more
First you said you'd never try to slow me down
That everything would work out really fine
But as those walls closed in on us
Your words just fell right out of line and behind
Did you figure ours would be an easy thing
Of lazy days of lying in the sun
I told you if you wanted me
That everyday just wouldn't be fun
Now its done
Oh, oh oh oh cant give you more
I aint got anymore
Another very cold and dull morning. They are now saying that the weather will warm up on Monday, so we go from one extreme to the other. And we wonder why we all get colds. I bet its global warming. I dont mind in the summer because the last two years summers have been the hottest for decades. I had a loverly tan. Lee was calling me the golden goddess.
My sattalite t.v. has gone down this morning, so its c.d.'s and dvds for me today until it comes back on. That'll please the neighbours!! Im going to learn some Slayer songs on the guitar today. I'll have find a way to loosen up my right wrist before I try that though. Now I wonder how I can do that...............
Fucking fucking fucking AO fucking L.!! I spend 14 minutes on the phone to there help line, they fix the problem for me, i log off and log back on again and fuck me my buddy list wont come up again. So ive fucked aol 9 off out of it and put 8 back on.It appears to be ok now, but i'll see how it is in the morning.
The car thankfully has behave itself for the rest of the day. Im just hopeing it starts in the morning, otherwise it means i have to spend £55 ( roughly $ 70 ) on a new battery. There goes my fucking weekend!!
To top it all, it's -4 degress tonight. We've got a heavy frost which came down at 6 o clock tonight. To say it's fucking freezing is an understatment.
Right, as you can tell by all my swearing..im not a happy camper tonight at all.So im off for a good sulk to myself.
P.S. I took Antony to work today...he brightened my day up at least!!
Fucking AOL is playing up again. I cant instant message anybody, and my budy list isnt showing. Its not just me because I phoned my mate last night and his isnt working either.
To top it all, I went out to move my car this morning and the battery was flat. I got my sister to come round and give it a jump start. We could'nt get to the battery so we had to push it up the road a bit. I never realised how much a B.M.W weighs. We were both out of breath afterwards.
Hopefully this isnt the start of a shit day
Its freezing, its pissing down and its blowing a gale. Its a very shit evening weather wise, they are forcasting snow for the weekend. I love the snow so I hope it does.
Work was surreal today. The last couple of weeks weve had to many people and no work. Today we had not enough people and to much work..kind of ironic...dont you think. I was clearing today, which was good as it means I didnt have to spit my dummy out at the management. On the whole just a normal shit day.
Right, five knuckle shuffle time then bed
It's a loverly wet and cold morning. Very dull indeed. Ive just got in from taking the dogs out, both them and me are very wet. It was a bad idea I think, they are now running all over the house trying to dry themselves. Ive noticed they are using my bed to dry myself on and not there own!! Next time I have a bath i'll dry myself on there bed quilt and see how the little bastards like that!!
Thursday is normally quite good at work, so hopefully I'll have a good day. If im dropping again today, I might have to spit my dummy out at the management and go clearing. I hate dropping.
We lost the football last night aswell. To be totally honest, we played like absolute wankers. It was a total disgrace of a game, the Spanish were all over us. Not even the sight of Alan Smith with his top off cheered me up!!
Oh well
I dont often say this, but I had a fucking good laugh at work today. It was general piss taking, but it was really good fun with everyone involved. The day otherwise would have been so boring. We've got a lot of promotions going out this week, so we have been quite busy today. Loads of old shit going out by the pallet load.
Right im going back to watch the football..we are losing to the Spanish...bollocks
Well Lee and me managed not to have an argument last night. I was quite surprised by this as I thought he was gearing up for one. He gave me 20 questions about my new trainers ( sneakers ) and my new clothing sports wear. I just told him I was having a mid life crisis and that our friend Mike did the same thing when he was my age. Strangly he brought this utter bullshit!!!
Work yesterday was boring as usual. Robert and me had a really good chat over dinner. His girlfriend has told him she wants some space. Now.. we all know what that means dont we!!! I told him to hold off getting her a christmas present. My other mate Craig is still off. His mother in law died Monday morning and his wife is very cut up about it, so he's having this week off to comfort her and the children, and to help make plans for the funeral. I feel so sorry for them, Craig's wife is a loverly woman and she'snursed her mumall year while she's had luekemia. Sadly it got the better of her..such a shame. I got a text from Mark the other day saying that he is coming back to work next week, so I will have a full compliment of friends for dinner. We haven't all been together for ages, it'll be good to catch up.
Lunch time then off to work..catch you all later
At last I appear to be in a good mood!! I had a fairly good night's sleep which has helped. Antony text me this morning being silly, which cheered me up a lot. I ve got Lee coming to stay tonight, and im just wondering how long it will be before we have a row. He'll be hear about 11pm, so I give it to at least 11.30 ha ha!!!
Right im going to take the hounds out!!
No one knows what its like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
No one knows what its like
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies
But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my concience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengence
That's never free
No one knows what its like
To feel these feelings
Like I do
And I blame you
No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through
But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my concience seems to be
I have hours only lonely
My love is vengence
That's never free
When my fist clenches crack it open
Before I use it and lose my cool
And when I smile, tell me some bad news
Before I laugh and act like a fool
If I swallow anything evil
Put you fingers down my throat
And if I shiver please give me a blanket
Keep me warm let me wear your coat
No one knows what its like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
Im still in a funny mood. Lee has phoned me 4 times today, which hasn't helped me today at all. he has been giving me untold shit.
The rest of the day was just as boring. There was nothing really doing at work.I gave me a load of time to think though. I want to get a very powerfull motorbike, i want to play drums in a thrash metal band, I want to drive around Europe and take in all the capitol cities..that includes Red Square in Moscow. I want a tattoo that goes from my head down my neck and down my arm. Im fed up of running around trying to please other people all the time. Im going to do thing's that I want to do for a change.! I know that sounds a bit selfish, but its not really. It's just a few things that i want to do that Lee doesn't want me to do..because HE doesn't want me to.
Dont my feeling's count?
I was only joking my dear
Looking for away to hide my fear
What kind of fool was I?
I could never win
Never found a compromise
Collected lovers just like butterflies
Illusions of that grand first prize
Are slowly wearing thin
Lee my baby you were good to me
Givin love unselfishly
But you take it all to seriously
I guess it'll have to end
Now you ask me if im sincere
Thats's a question that I always fear
verse seven is never clear
But i'll tell you what you want to hear
I try to give you all you want
But giving love is not my strongest point
If thats the case it's pointless going on
I'd rather be alone
'Cause what im doing must be wrong
Pouring my heart out in these song's
Owning up for prosperity
For the whole damn world to see
Quietly now as I turn the page
Act one is over without costume change
The principle has to leave the stage
My crowd dont understand
Day after day
Our love turns grey
Like the skin of a dying man
Night after night
We pretend its alright
But I have grown older
And you have grown colder
And nothing is very much fun anymore
And I can feel
one of my turns coming on
Run to the bedroom
In the suitcase on the left
You'll find my favorite axe
Dont look so frightened
This is just a passing phase
One of my bad days
Would you like to watch t.v.?
Or get between the sheet's?
Or contemplate the the silent freeway
Would you like something to eat?
Would you to call the cops?
Do you think its time I stopped,
Why are you running away?
Every year is the same and I feel it again
I'm a loser, no chance to win
Leaves start falling, come down is calling
Loneliness is starting to sink in
But I'm one
I'm one
And you will see that this is me
I will be, you'll all see i'm the one
I got a Gibson without a case
But I cant get that even tanned look on my face
Ill fitting clothes and I blend in with the crowd
Fingers so clumsy and my voice to loud
Someone help me,
Please god help me,
Try and take it all away
I dont want to die!!!
I have no idea what is wrong with me, but I have got a really black mood tonight. I feel very lonely and out of place. I always seem to end up alone. Strangely tonight, I was in a room full of people and felt totally alone.I had no connection with them at all. Am I depressed or something, or is it the tablets doing this to me? I left in the end as I felt I was going to explode in rage. I went for a thrash around in the car for a little while, then I got myself a bottle of brandy and came home to get myself pissed up. Ive started drinking again which isnt good, but it helps numb the pain im feeling.
Ive said this to someone before, but I can be in a room full of people, and feel the loneliest person on the face of the earth.
Im going to find a picture of Kerry King to put up. I want a tattoo like his.....fuck everyone else. Kerry and Rob Halford from Judas Priest..2 of my hero's. I think im becoming a bear. i dont like them sexually though!!!
Repeat after me everybody. BRANDY BAD!!!!. I have the hangover from hell this morning.The night was really good..well what I can remember of it. I saw loads of people last night that I haven't seen for ages. I dont remember leaving the pub and getting home. Lee came back with me, just to make sure I was ok. I think I had 4 pint's of real ale, then 10 brandy and coke's. That never used to be much for me, that I was impressed with myself.Needless to say, Im suffering for it today.
Not got much planned again for today.Ive got to do a little gardening whilst the weather is nice.Ive got to do a bit of cleaning on thr car aswell.It's covered in mud from all the rain we've had.
Well off to work we go...
Well...good morning all!! Work was piss boring yesterday, not to mention cold!! After work I went to pick up Antony and we went to the pub to see a few friends.I was late so we ( he !! ) didnt have much to drink. After the pub we just went for a little drive around.Mainly just to see if we could see any pissed up lads on there way home from the pub. Unfortunatly I had a little accident. The car is fine, but my hands are all cut up.The story is..is that I really needed to have a wee. So I parked up in a quiet place and found somewhere to go.Unfortunatly, I failed to realise that I was on a bank,and I slipped and fell down it.The problem was that I landed in a thorn bush!!! My hands are very scratched up, but fortunatly my cock is fine!!.Antony found this very funny indeed...cunt!!!!
I haven't got much planned today, I need to do a few jobs and take the dogs for a walk.Im taking Antony to work at 5pm, so tonight I think I might have to go to the pub with the wife ( Lee ). I think he's realised that something is up with the relationship.He keep's questioning where im goingand who Im out with. As I pointed out to him, it's none of his buisness and do I ask him who he's out with any minute of the day..point taken!!.
Im also really happy as Ive just landed myself a gig just before christmas. My manager at work is a drummer, amd his band are doing a pub gig and he cant make it.Ive played a couple of song's with his band before so they are cool that I do it.I'll be playing the drums with them instead of the guitar.Im going to have to get some practice in and get in shape again.He e-mailed me a list of songs they do, and It doesn't look to hard, there's just a couple of song's that I need to learn the arrangements for. Im well excited!!!
A special for NJ.
Take the piss......This mean's to make fun of someone at they're expense!!
Also known as
Take the piss
Took the piss
Rip the piss
Im very happy this morning.Ive just gone and brought the new Iron Maiden dvd. I want to bunk of work now so that I can watch it. It's got loads of extra's on it. Well I know what i'll be doing this weekend!!
I went to pick up Antony last night from work.He was having a stress attack so he stormed off home. Bloody queen!!! He was ok by the time we got home. He took the piss out of me so that made him laugh. He showed me how to work my predictive text message thing on my mobile phone..Of course the first thing I did was program all the swear words into it!! I can sort of work it now.
Well..back to the dvd
I hope you're feeling happy now
I see you feel no pain at all it seem's
I wonder what your doin' now
I wonder if you think of me at all
Do you still play the same move's now?
Or are them move's for someone else,
I hope your feeling happy now.
Just because you feel good ,
it does'nt make you right
Just because you feel good,
I dont want you here tonight,
Does laughter still discover you?
I see through all those smile's that look so right,
Do you still have the same friend's now?
To smoke away your problems and your life.
And how do you remember me?
The one that made you laugh until you cried.
I hope your feeling happy now.
As i look around this room tonight,
Settle in your seat and dim the light,
Do you want my blood?
Do you want my tears?
What do you want?
What do you want from me?
Should I sing until I cant sing anymore?
Play these string's until my fingers are raw?
You're so hard to please,
What do you want from me?
Do you think that I know something, you dont know?
If I dont promise you the answer's, would you go?
Should I stand out in the rain?
Do you want me to make a daisy chain for you?
Im not the one you need.
What do you want from me?
You can have everything you want,
You can dream, you can drift even walk on water,
Anything you want,
You can own everything you see,
Sell your soul for complete control
Is that really what you need,
Today was super boring at work.It was also bastard freezing!! It abou 8 degress tonight.It wont be long before we start getting a frost. Still, Friday tomorrow and then another couple of day's off. he he.
Poor old Craig's mother in law is in intensive care in hospital. She's got luckemia bless her. She's on a life support machine and everything. I really feel for them. They've had a shit year.
I cant believe I actually went back to work yesterday and had to do some work!! How rude is that!!. Bastard's!!! They're making me pay for having time off..Mark is still skiving off, Craig's mother in law is very ill so he's still off, Gary and Ian are on holiday, so its just me and Rob again for dinner.
Ive just got back from the hospital ( again ). They say my liver is ok..which is good..My sugar levels are good and Im generally healthy. They took some more blood's just to see how my viral load and cd4 counts are. At the last check, the virus was virtually undetectable in my blood stream. Thing's might be looking up for a change..
Ho Hum off to work I go..
First of all..Let me just say a BIG thank you to NJLB and CUBBY for the information on Jill Scott. I'll be checking out her website and see what she is about. I hope she's like Eva Cassady, because I liked her.
Right..back to work for me today..bollocks!!!! Its been a good holiday again.It feels funny to go back to work on a Wednesday, but at least I know that I've only got 3 days to do and im off again for the weekend. Craig and Mark are back this week from the dodgy sick period. Rob is back from holiday today aswell, so I will have a full compliment of friends at dinner.
Last night I picked up Antony from work and we went back to his flat.His neighbour downstairs was playing what I loosely call music at very very loud volumes!! It was some dodgy R+B rap music shit, which I cant stand. Antony was getting very badly pissed off with it, so we went for walk around Chatham. It was fucking freezing at first, but we soon warmed up.The river looked wonderfull and peacefull, that's you looked past the shopping trolley's.When we came back, the music was still going on, and the bloke had some guest's turn up.This we thought was bad..but the fucked off out to a club.Thank god!!! Not long after that, I had to go and pick misery guts up. Came home, went to bed, woke up, took him to work, took the dogs out, and wrote this shit. So there we have it.
Have a wonderfull day all....
Its only 12.21 and ive done so much already. I was out at 10 down the local clinic to have ANOTHER blood test. This time it's for my diabetes. Ive got to go to the diabetic clinic in a couple of week's, just to check things are ok. Im starting to lose track of all these clinic's and hospital appointments that I have to go to.
After that I popped down the town to do some shopping.Its market day today so there was lots of fresh fruit and veg stalls about. I got myself some new skids ( underpants NJ ) at a very good price, met my sister by the toilet's,( I wonder what she was upto? ) and then came home.
I was just settling down when I got a frantic text from Antony saying he had overlaid and could he have a lift to work. I obliged. It was good to have a little drive around. Im going to pick him up from work later. I wont be out late as misery guts, oh sorry Lee, is coming to stay tonight. That 3 times in a week..some kind of record!!!
I did something this evening,that im very embarresed about, but looking back was very funny. I was playing along to a song on the guitar, at great volume it must be said, and I was getting very very into it.Unfortunatly I got a little tooooooo into it and broke a string. Well that's nothing bad I hear you say! Well no, but I got so frustrated by it,I took the guitar off and threw it to the floor. How Pete Townshend of me!!! Thankfully the guitar didnt smash as is ok, but I dread to think what would have happened if I was playing a gig when it happened. Oh well..bloody musicians!!!
Today I really didnt do a lot apart from play cd's at a neighbour bothering volume.I love having days like this.Im going to have another one tomorrow. I took Antony to work at 3.30pm.He is making some changes to his life.It'll be for the better so good luck babe!! Im behind you all the way!!!.
I spoke to Lee tonight, he's in Bognor Regis ( its a shithole on the south coast of Sussex in England NJ ) on somekind of course for his job. He was a bit pissed and was just trying to find his room at the placve he's staying at.He's sharing with another guy from a different branch of his works. This I dont mind at all I just hope he behave's himself. Not in a cheating way..but lets put it this way..Lee does some of the most horrifying farts that I have ever heard or smelt!! Im going to get the boy a colonic for christmas I think.
Not a lot doing this morning.Im just going to relax for the next couple of days before I go back to work on Wednesday.
I went to Antony's last night.He was in a hell of a mess from far to much alchahol over the weekend.Been there, done that,got the the liver problems to prove it!! He's only 26 bless him.I was like that at his age.Given the chance,I'd still be like it now! We watched a couple of d.v.d.'s and relentlessly took the piss out of Jamie.He wasn't happy so I fucked off home.I was really tired aswell,so a fairly early night did me good.
Time to find something to do!!
The fireworks were great last night.Antony, his boyfriend Jamie and Antony's work collegue Katie went aswell.Now..If you know your going to watch a firework display in a field,after its be drizzling with rain, you dont wear high heel shoes do you? Now do you? Typical malt!! ( woman NJ ) Her feet were cold and rotten with mud, and probably some dog shit thrown in for good measure!! Jamie was drunk and would'nt belt up for five minutes.Antony and myself turned our backs on them and left them to it.It was quite funny really.
After the fireworks, and a lying phone call to Lee about who I was out with, I walked back to Antony's to pick my car up.I went and got Lee and we went to a super boring gay pub called The Queen Anne. I tell you what, I bet there was more action in the pope's bedroom last night than there was in that pub!! Im not joking..there was about seven of us in there.Now normally I would get pissed just to numb the boredom, but as I was driving and Im not aloud to drink until they get my liver sorted out..it was pints of coke for me.
Life can only get better..Cant it?
p.s. Im now learning how to play Over the Hills and Far Away on the guitar.The version on How the west was one is great.Very powerfull when it cuts in
Just a quick one..and no not a wank..I had a loverly sleep last night,and I got up fairly early this morning and had a bath and did some jobs. Im just of to pick Antony up to take the dogs for a walk in the fields.We are going to a fireworks display tonight.It's normally really good.They have a huge bonfire and a fun fair there aswell.
Hopefully it will be a good day!!!
Friday 5th Novenber..my sisters birthday..and the air is already thick with the smoke of bonfires and fireworks.Im going to my sisters tonight for a party.I managed to remember her birthday,but completely forgot to get a card until this afternoon.What a wanker!!! Never mind.
The computer has been pissing around again today. I downloaded update's for my Norton antivirus, and it fucked my AOL connection up.After a 20 minute phone call to AOL and doing a system restore, I finally got it working. I hate computers!!
English slang for Masturbating!!!!
1 Band/ Smack/ Crack one out
2 Hand Shandy
3 Five knuckle shuffle
4 Bash the bishop
5 Pull the plonker
6 Wank
7 Pull the pork sword
8 Jostle
9 Go and have a sex wee
Another joyous day up the hospital.Today they said that I was jaundise and I had to have a liver function test.Only something else to go wrong I suppose.On top of that..the old lady is being a total self pittying bitch today for some reason.She need's to die, she's doing my head in!!
Ive just got in from taking the dogs for a walk, I went back to Mote Park again and this time we walked all the way around the lake. Never again!! It was fucking miles!!
I've had enough of being nice
I've had enough of right and wrong
I've had enough of trying to love my lover
I've had enough of being good
And doing all the thing's I'm told I should
If you want a lover
You better find another
Life is for the living
Takers never giving
Suspicion takes the place of trust
My love is turning into rust
If you get on the wrong side of me
You better run for cover
I've had enough of being trodden on
My passive days are gonna be long gone
If you slap one cheek
Then I aint going to turn the other
Another suprising day today.Lee didn't ring me, so I threw the dogs in the car and phoned Mr.B to see if he wanted to come with me,which he did.We took them to a place called Mote Park,which is an old country estate that is open to the public.By way of a little history story, Lord Bearsted used to live in the mansion, and he was the man that started the Shell oil company...didn't know that did ya?!!!!! Anyway, we watched as little Ozzy chased crows around the field, and Guss sort of half arsed running after him.Well it saved us walking!!
After that we took them home,and we decided to take a drive to Canterbury,or Cunterbury as its known locally.Its a loverly city with lots of Roman ruins still standing.Most of the city wall is still there and you can walk along it..I love that sort of history stuff.I really want to go back there when I have more time and really explore it.
When we got back, Antony surgested that we get some d.v.d's in, so we went to blockbuster and got a few films.Tonight we watched, The day after tomorrow and Swat. Both were good films I really enjoyed them.I ate far to many sweets though, and Ive got hospital in the morning..bollocks!!
Hopefully all will go well at the hospital to tomorrow.I think ive just got to go to see if my results from the last set of blood test's is ok,and that my treatment is working.My immune system tablet's were'nt working so they had to change them.After that I'm going to see Lee and were going to take the dogs for a walk.It'll see funny being out with him and not Antony.Definatly wont be as much fun.
Anyway's.....time for a jostle ( another name for a wank NJ ) then off to bed as I have to be up early.
Well, yesterday was slow and relaxed,which was nice.Mr.B didnt get up until 3pm ( lazy bitch ) and I went round there at about 4.We went to Lakeside which is a big shopping center in Essex,to have a look round the shops.....and have a look at a few fit lads of course.Now the clocks have gone back, it gets dark really early..I dont like it at all.
I dont know what's going on today.I want to see Mr.B, but I think Lee has something planned for me.If he does'nt ring me soon,then i'll sort something else out for the day.I might change my drum kit round a bit to make it bigger.Ive got a few more drums I can add.
Oh just remembered...Ive got another week before I go back to work!!! Yipppeeee!!!
Sometime's I feel like I'm beating a dead horse,
I dont know why you've bringing me down,
I'd like to think that our love's worth a tad more,
It may sound funny,
But you'ld think by now I'd be smiling
Dear god my feet hurt!!! I had a fabulous day yesterday in London with Mr.B.We went round to Earls Court and I showed him the huge arena there, then we walked up the road and I showed him where Freddie Mercury used to live.You cant see a lot as they have put up a big fence around the 15ft wall they have.
Then we took the tube upto the new Wembley Stadium that is being built.The place is going to be fucking huge when it finished.It easily going to be double the size of the old one.
After that, went back into the center of London and had little walk along the south bank of the Thames.I showed him the studios where they make on of our morning television programs.You could see all the set and lights.We had look at some sites like Big Ben and Scotland Yard police station,as he didnt know were they were.Well he knew where big ben was!! Then it was upto Piccadilly circus and Leciester Square,the a little pub crawl around the gay bars of central London.Both got pissed ( some more than other's ) then we got the train and came home.All in all a fun day. I'll post some picks up for your viewing pleasure.
This flu jab is making me feel well shit! I was really down and quiet all of yesterday, i just felt so rough. Im a bit better today, but I still dont feel right.
Im off to London today with Mr.B.We are going to have look round and to have a few jolly's ( beers NJ ) which mean's he'll get me really pissed.Im really looking forward to it.Im taking my digital camera, so i'll put some pics up during the weeks.
Going out with the dogs, then im off to HAVE FUN!!!!!
You think I'd ever leave your side baby?
You know me better than that
You think I'd leave you when your down on your knees?
I would'nt do that
Oh when your cold
I'll be there to hold you tight to me
When your on the outside baby
And you cant get in
I'll show you
Your so much better than you know
When your lost
When you alone and cant get back again
I will find you, I'll bring you home
If you want to cry
I am here to dry your eyes
And i no time you'll be fine
You think I'll leave your side baby?
You know me better than that
You think I'll leave you down when your on your knees?
I would never do that
I'll do you right when you are wrong
And I'll be
By your side
I really dont know whats wrong with me at the moment.I just want to be left alone and not see anyone.Ive got a lot running through my mind at the moment and Im not sure what to do.Im kind of scared I think.Big steps are going to be made and im not sure I can cope with it.I'll find a way though.
I dont feel like doing much today. Im a bit achy from the flu jab yesterday.It has some side affects to it.Cronic shitting is one of them,as feeling run down.Perhaps thats whats' wrong with me?
I really dont know whats the matter with me.
I think im just tired.
It feels like the world is closing in on me
and im not sure what to do about it.
I need to get away and be me again,
to have all the dreams that i wish
Im sitting here lonely looking at the phone
hoping that it will ring
with someone there to tell me again
everything's going to be ok
Im screaming inside for someone to hear me
Im dying inside but i cant let it out
why cant you all see what is happening to me?
Why cant you see what i need?
Why wont you just let me be me?
Why do i have to conform to your dreams?
Why do you want me to change?
Im sick and tired of being sick and tired
I think i could work that into a song....
Its a loverly sunny Saturday morning.Its a little chilly,but I can cope with it.I got up quite early this morning and did a few chores round the house.I picked my old lady up just after 10 to go and have our flu jabs.Im just a rest before I go and pick Mr,B up from work.We are meeting his parents I think for coffee.Its always nice to see them.
Im going to have to clean the car inside and out sometime over the weekend.It's filthy on the outside and convered in grass on the inside..bloody dogs!!
Right, things to do.........................more later!!
At last its Friday!!!! Ive only got to get through today then ive got 11 days holiday. YIPPPEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
Last night we had an absolute mother of a thunderstorm. So what I hear you ask? Well, we never get thunderstorms in October, and it was cold last night. Needless to say, it was chucking it down with rain.There was loads of flooded roads about when I went home,so I had to be carefull down the country lanes.
I went to Mr.B's last night to cheer him up.He was laughting his head off when I got there so I think I done something right!! I stayed there until just before 3 this morning, wso my early night went for a right burton again. Never mind. I dont think i'll be in bed early tonight either.I cant be to late to bed, as I have to go to the doctors in the morning to have my flu jab. At least I wont get that this year.This is good, because if I do get it, it will probably kill me,and with christmas coming up and everything.
Right, ive got to pop to the town before I go to work.Im going to get the Queen live at Milton Keynes c.d.for the car.I'll be singing my head off to that on the way to work.Yesterday it was AC/DC. Fucking great driving music!!
Have a nice day yall!!!
P.S. Im getting there njlittlenightbear!! I'll teach you some of my English slang!!
Well it's a dry sunny crisp autumn morning.Its coming up a bit cloudy though.I nearly got an early night. I was going to go to bed then I just had to learn how to play The Hero by Queen on the guitar.It the opening song on the dvd, and it rocks like a bastard!! I managed to get the music from the web, and it took me about half an hour to get it right.So I went to bed at 2am....well its an hour earlier than i have been going to bed recently.
There's overtime today at work, so all the fit lads should be in again.It makes the day go a bit better. I like Thursday's anyway, I get my wage slip and we always sem to have much more fun!
Right..exercise time!!
When I'm gone,
No need to wonder if I'll ever think of you,
The same moon shines,
The same wind blows,
For both of us and time is but a paper moon
Be not gone
Though I'm gone,
It's just as though I hold the flower that touch's you,
A new life grows,
And blossom knows,
There's no one else that warms my heart as much as you,
Be not gone
Let us cling together as the years go by,
Oh my love,my love,
In the quiet of the night let our candle always burn,
Let us never lose the lesson we have learned.
Hear my song,
Still think of me the way you've come to think of me,
The nights grow long,
But dreams live on,
Just close your pretty eyes and you can be with me,
Dream on.
When I'm gone,
They'll say we were fool's
And we dont understand,
Oh be strong and trust in your heart,
We're all, your all, we're all for always,
Let us cling together as the years go by,
Oh my love, my love,
In the quiet of the night let our candle always burn,
Let us never lose the lesson we have learned.
Its raining again!! Just for a change. Nothing much happened at work today. There were a couple of fit lads in from the agency though, so it wasn't a total loss.
Mr.B is at work tonight bless him, another late night for him, so I'm going to try and have an early night for a change....Yeah I know what your all saying..." You always say that and never do!!" Well I'm going to try.
Its still a bit cold this morning, but its dry at least.I dont like Wednesday's as you've probably gathered by now.
I went to Mr.B's last night for a chat and a laugh, he gave me a baseball cap bless him.Im not going to see him now until Friday night as we are both working opposite ends of the day to one another. Tonight I'm going to see my mate Dale.He's sooooooo funny and we have a good laugh.Ive known him for about 7 or 8 years.Great Bloke!!
Im off to take the hounds out.
See you all
Well its fucking freezing tonight!!I think we're going to cop a frost. We put the clocks back an hour at the weekend, so we get an extra hour in bed on sunday.Saying that it will be dark by 4.30pm...very depressing!!
I went out with Mr.B this morning, we took my dogs for a walk in the fields then brought them back home.Aftera little rest we went to a burger van for some breakfast then back to his flat for a cup of tea.Im going to pick him up from work in a little while.
Work was quite fun today..maybe because I was in a fairly good mood.I was singing Led Zeppelin songs all day,which annoyed everyone else.
Fuck em! thats what I say
Stepping out, I'm leaving here
No use crying, crying in my beer
Enough's enough, believe its true
Bite the bullet
Im leaving you
I said goodbye, I wrote the note
But I dont remember,What I wrote
The same old words, to say we're through
Bite the bullet
Im leaving you
So thats the way, it always ends
Get sympathy, from all your friends
Seem's like nothing, nothing else to do
Bite the bullet
Im leaving you
