Tuesday, 30 November 2004

Tueasday morning

The fucking courior from the catalogue decide it would be good if he delivered some of my parcels at fucking 7.30 this morning. I know normal people are up and getting ready for work at that time of the day...BUT NOT ME!!!!. I work from 2 - 9.30pm for the reason that I dont have to get up early. Because I hate it. Out of the 12 item's ive ordered, ive only recieved 3. This is apparantly due to work at the warehouse, so I think im going to be up early all week answering the door to that wanker. To make matters worse, my new phone wasn't one of the thing's delivered!!!

I ate sooooooo much chocolate at work yesterday that I felt sick when I came home last night. I just cant seem to help myself though, although I will try today. I had a fairly good day yesterday.Craig and me had some good fun, and we had plenty of tea breaks. Today is going to be much the same I think, but we have Diddley as manager today, and he is always on our back's trying to get us to work harder. which of course we dont!!

Time for some exercise

Monday, 29 November 2004

Fuck em all!!!

Give me the sense to wonder

To wonder if im free

Give me the sense to wonder

To know I can be me

Give me the sense to hold my head up

And spit back in their face

Dont need no key to unlock this door

Im gonna break down the walls

Get out of this mad place

Monday Monday la la

My neck is still aching this morning, ive been putting deep heat on it to help with the stiffness ( stop being rude NJ ). The stuff stinks though which is the only problem. I managed to stay in last night, despite Antony sending me text messages trying to get me to go out.I would have love to have done, but I needed to have a rest.

I managed to do all my christmas shopping last night though. I didnt even leave the house either. I done it from the catalogue, so I just chose what I wanted then phoned the order through....sorted. I spent just under a £1000 this year. I must be honest. I spent £450 ( around $750 ) on a new mobile phone for myself. That's my christmas present to me!!! Last year I got myself a Sony digital camera that was £500. I love spending money!!!

Ive only gt a 4 day week this week. Ive got Wednesday off as it world Aids day...dont forget people!!! Im going to a church sevice at our local Cathedral. Suppose I best really...I wonder if there will be any alchahol there? !!!!

Sunday, 28 November 2004


I cant begin to tell you how rough I feel today.Im getting far to old for all this headbanging stuff. My neck and my right shoulder are really stiff, i feel really tired and my blood sugar level is to low.  Im going to have to eat a few bars of chocolate to sort myself out. Ive got nothing planned for today but rest. Antony text me and asked if i fancied an afternoon in the pub. I would love to, but I feel to bad. I need to start slowing down a bit.

Saturday, 27 November 2004

Fucking A !!!!!!

What a fucking blinding gig that was. I was seriously loud and we had some really cool seats, so that we could see everything.My favorite moment was doing some heavy duty headbanging with my youngest nephew ( who's 9 ) and my eldest nephew ( who's 17 ). That was a really special moment for me, and I must say that i had a tear in my eye at the end of the song. This gig done me some good I think.It really blew some cobwebs out of me, it was good to have a real rock out.

My throat, my neck and my shoulder are going to hurt like fuck in the morning but what the fuck..it was fun.

As it says in a Kiss song...Whiplash a heavy metal accident!!!!

Rocking all Over the World

Im going to see Status Quo tonight in Brighton. This is my second big rock show of the year. The last one was Rush at Wembley Arena, and they were awesome. Its a bit of a conflict of interest's tonight, as Motorhead are playing at Hammersmith Odean tonight and I really wanted to go to that, but I  take my Mum to see Status Quo every year, so I had to give in a bit. This is the only date that everyone could do. We could have gone next Saturday to Wembley Arena to see them, but its Lee's birthday, and Ive been to a concert on his birthday before and that went down as well as a truck load of dead rats in a tampon factory. Needless to say ive not done it since. I haven't got to drive to I can have a few beers to numb the pain a bit.

I will report back later...

Friday, 26 November 2004

cryptic writings#22

Long afloat on a shipless ocean

I do all my best to smile

'Till your loving eyes and fingers

Drew me loving to your side

Sail to me, sail to me

Let me unfold you

Hear I am Here I am

Waiting to hold you


Did I dream you dreamed about me

Were you hare when I was fox

Now my foolish boat is leaning

Broken lovelorn on your rocks


Friday night

I had a fairly good day a work today. I had the ump big time when I got there, but I soon cheered up. I was singing at the top of my voice for about 3 hours, Everything from Whitesnake to Abba. They all thought I'd taken something, im never normally that happy.

I got a text from Antony saying he cant remeber much from last night. Im not surprised really. Dear god that boy can drink, he drinks me under the table, and I can go some. He's at work tonight bless him..I dont know where Lee is.

Cryptic writings#21

All life is a mystery

All things come to he who waits

All things just a twist of fate

It's just a state of mind

All your time is not your own

It's real hard to find out why

It's real hard to say goodbye

To move on down the line


Both your eyes wide open

You see the shape I'm in

It wasn't of my choosing

It's only bones and skin

And I will plead no contest

If loving you's a crime

So go on and find me guilty

Just one more fucking time.

Cryptic writings#20

I am, Im me

Who are you to look down at what i believe?

I'm on to your thinking and how you decieve

Well you camt abuse me I wont stand no more

Yes I know the reason

Yes I know the score


I am, and I'm me

I will, you'll see

I am and I'm me


How I tried to please you live the way you said

Do the things that you say like the living dead

Then the truth it hit me got me off my knees

It's my life I'm living I'll live as I please



Friday morning

Im really tired this morning. Ive only had 3 hours sleep. I was thinking about Antony and Lee and what im going to do about it. It's tough. bacause it Lee's birthday next Saturday, my birthday the week after, the christmas and new year. I dont feel good doing it with his birthday coming up.Id much rather wait till after crimbo, because when it happens the shit is going to hit the fan big time. Im prepaired for that, but I think it will be worth it in the end.

Its really cold and damp this morning, and there is a fine mist hanging in the air. It looks really good hanging over the river valley. I might try and get a couple of photos of it. Ive got a few things to do then its off to work for me.

Thursday, 25 November 2004

Thursday night

Today was ok at work. I went like the clappers to start with, the didn't do fuck all after 7 o clock. We had some fun though.

I went out with Antony tonight. We only went to a local gay club, which was dead. He had a lot to drink again and I had to carry him home to bed.Im getting used to it now though. It was good to see him though, his smile always cheers me up.

Life's a mess..just need to sort it out..when i pluck up the courage..this is the hardest thing ive ever done..and I dont know how to say its over. Not with Antony, but with Lee


This is some of the nicknames for people at work,

Craig- Oi Oi

Andy- Way J

Steve H- Touchay Turtle

Steve C- Scary, Plug

Tony W- Santa, Lord Many Section

Tony H- Tone the Moan


Mark D-Bob the Builder

Gary T-Turd bugeler, Wing commander Turkington, Turd blower

Rob- Tyrone, dump truck

Gary S-Baldy locks and the three hairs

Terry-Toxic...his breath stinks

Mark B- Shaggy..because he looks like him

Nathan-Village..because he's an idiot

Ian W. Lord Snooty, M'Lud

Mark F-Mad Frankie, Crankie

Julie-Princess Fiona

Andy D- Diddly Dye, Disaster

Dylan S..Bob Noxious


Thursday morning

Not much to say again this morning. I feel pretty good this morning though, but thats always subject to change. Craig's mother i law is being buried this morning, so Ive got him and his family in my thoughts at this time. Right on top of christmas aswell.

Oh Ive just realised its my birthday in 2 weeks. Best start planning some festivities of some sort. 32 dear god.

right time to take the hounds out

Wednesday, 24 November 2004

wednesday night

I now know why I dont go to other people's work party's. It's because I fucking hate them.!!! You dont know anyone so you stand there on your jack jones all evening feeling like a complete knobend. The party in question was Lee's work do. I popped in after work and he was already pissed up, so I just had a couple drinks and said I ate something dodgy at work and it had given me the shit's so I had to go home. Lame excuse, but he brought it. We dont have a works do as such. There all loads of different shifts so we just tend to go out with our own shift. You can choose who you invite then. We are a very funny bunch at work, not everyone gets on.

Speaking of work..Today as quite fun. We managed to eat a fair amount of chocolate today. I love it when we get the christmas stock in. Theres so many new sweet's to try. All stolen of course, it makes them taste better. We have a little fun plan to wind up Village ( Our name for Nathan..as in the village idiot ) I cant say to much at the moment, but if we can pull it off it will be hilarious!!

I spokw to Antony earlier aswell. He's managed to change his shift to more or less the same hours as me. I wont see him during the week, but he will be off over the weekends so we can see each other more. He's been working different hours to me for the last couple of weeks so I haven't seen him much. It'll be nice to see him more. I do miss him.

wednesday morning

Not much to say this morning really. I had a pretty much fun day at work yesterday. The whole crew were there for dinner, so that was great fun. We are starting to get into silly season at work, so im going to be a lot busier.

On the gig side, I found out yesterday that I only have 25 songs to learn in 3 weeks!!! Oh fuck!!!

Tuesday, 23 November 2004

Tuesday morning

Ive just got back from the doctors and everything is ok thank god. I had to take a fresh wee sample in, but they didnt give me a pot to piss in, so I did it in a mineral water bottle.Also it didnt show that I was out on the lash the other night, which is good.

Im going to have a little nap before i go to work, I dont like getting up early.

Monday, 22 November 2004

monday night

Im really tired tonight, im paying big time for getting slaughtered last night. Im getting far to old for it you know. Its not going to be a late one tonight, as I have to be at the doctors at 9am for my first diabetes check. They took my blood a couple of weeks ago so I should be ok. Ive been drinking water all day to try and flush my system out of alchahol. I bet I get sussed out.

My buddy Craig was back today.I havent seen him for ages ans I was really pleased to see him. Mark is coming back tomorow, so i'll have all my buddies back.I dont know about Rob though. He  badly cut his finger on Friday and he had to have a stitch in it. Hope he's ok.

Im off to hit the sack....no wank

Oh the Hangover!!

Oh dear mother of god. I feel like hell this morning. Ive just got in from shopping with Antony and Jamie, they are worse than my mum when it comes to food shopping. At least she writes a list and knows what she wants before we go,they make it up as they go along.

Im not as depressed as I was last night. Things just got on top of me again. This seems to happen on Sundays ive noticed.Whatever it is, i'll deal with it and get through it somehow.Im just waiting for it all to explode.

I owe, i owe its off to work i go

Sunday, 21 November 2004

The hardest cryptic writings#19

I know im a bit drunk..but im not coping at all. This is the lowest ive felt for ages. I know what i want but i just cant seem to get there. This is the hardest cryptic writings i have ever done

Dear Mother dear father

What is this hell you have put me through

Believer Deciever

Day in day out live my life through you

Pushed onto me whats wrong or right

Hidden from this thing that they call life


Dear mother dear father

Every thought id think you'd disaprove

Curator dictator

Always cencoring my every move

Children are seen but are not heard

Tear out everything inspired



Torn from me without your shelter

Barred reality im living blindly


Dear mother dear father

Time has frozen still whats left for me

Hear nothing say nothing

Cannot face the fact I think for me

No guarantees it's life as is

But damn you for not giving me my chance


Dear mother dear father

You've clipped my wings before I learned to fly

Unspoiled unspoken

I've outgrown that fucking lullaby

Same thing I always hear from you

Do as I say not as I do


I'm in hell without you

Cannot cope without you two

Shocked at the world that I see

Im an innocent victim please rescue me


Dear mother dear father

Hidden in the world you made for me

I'm seething I'm bleeding

Ripping wounds in me that never heal

Undying spite I feel for you

Living out this hell you always new

For Antony

This just about sums everything up.

Shed a tear 'cause im missing you,

I'm still alright to smile

You know I think about you everyday now

Was a time when I wasnt sure

But you set my mind at ease

There is no doubt your in my heart now


Sad boy take it slow

It'll work itself out fine

All we need is just a little patience

I said Suger take it slow

We'll come together fine

All we need is just a little patience


I sit here on the stairs 'cause id rather be alone

If I cant have you right now

I'll wait here

Sometimes I get so tence but I cant speed up the time

But you know love theres one more thing to consider


Said boy take it slow

And things will be just fine

You and I'll just use a little patience

Said sugar take the time

'cause the lights are shining bright

You and I've got what it takes to make it

We wont fake it

Never break it

Cause I cant take it


Ive been walking the streets at night

Just trying to get it right

It's hard to see with so many around

You know I dont like being stuck in a crowd

And the streets dont change but maybe the names

I aint got time for this game but I need you

Yeah I need you

Ooh i need you

I need you

This time


Its freezing again this morning. I hate this cold weather, i like the nice hot summers. I t gives you a reason to ge out of bed early and go up the garden and eat you breakfast and feel the warmth of the sun on your face. At least you wakr up feeling happy and ready to take on the day. I notice that I always sleep in more in the winter. I never get up until around 10.30, where in the summer I get up at 8. Oh well, it cant last long.

Im going to have a lazy day today. Ive got 3 guitars to re string and tune up, which is always fun..not! Ive got to go over some of the Slayer song's I learnt yesterday just to brush up a bit. I learn Mandatory Suicide, War Ensemble, South of Heaven and Postmortom. A couple of them were surprisingly easy to do, where others were'nt. They have a lot of very fast riffs and runs in them, they'll sound killer though when ive mastered them. Ive got to pick up my drum sticks again though this week and start to prepare for that gig next month. Ive got about 20 songs to learn and get straight in my head. I'll stick them all on c.d. and listen to them in the car. I'll have to set my kit back up again and start to limber up a bit, im well rusty.

Oh well.................

Saturday, 20 November 2004

cryptic writings#18

If I could have my wasted days back

Would I use them to get back on track

Tried to warn my karma's burning

Look ahead but keep on turning

Do I have the strength?

Or do I let go?

Can I find it inside to do what I should have known

If I could have my waste days back

Would I use them to get back on track?


My lifestyle detemines my deathstyle

Keep searching

This search goes on

On and on

Im frantic tic tic tic tic tic toc


Ive worn out always being afraid

In this stream of fear that ive made

Treading water Im full of worry

This frantic tic tic toc of hurry

Do I have the stength?

Or do I let go?

Can I find it inside to deal with what I should have done?

For lee

Now you know this aint the kind of life for you

It's not the way you thought that it would be

If I could change my way for you

If I could change it wouldn't be me

And you see


I know I never tried the things I should have done

and time is always passing by

I want to do the things ive never done before

So I do try not to tell a lie

When im so low

When im so high

But you cry when i say i cant give you more


First you said you'd never try to slow me down

That everything would work out really fine

But as those walls closed in on us

Your words just fell right out of line and behind


Did you figure ours would be an easy thing

Of lazy days of lying in the sun

I told you if you wanted me

That everyday just wouldn't be fun

Now its done

Oh, oh oh oh cant give you more

I aint got anymore


Saturday morning

Another very cold and dull morning. They are now saying that the weather will warm up on Monday, so we go from one extreme to the other. And we wonder why we all get colds. I bet its global warming. I dont mind in the summer because the last two years summers have been the hottest for decades. I had a loverly tan. Lee was calling me the golden goddess.

My sattalite t.v. has gone down this morning, so its c.d.'s and dvds for me today until it comes back on. That'll please the neighbours!! Im going to learn some Slayer songs on the guitar today. I'll have find a way to loosen up my right wrist before I try that though. Now I wonder how I can do that...............

Friday, 19 November 2004

Friday night

Fucking fucking fucking AO fucking L.!! I spend 14 minutes on the phone to there help line, they fix the problem for me, i log off and log back on again and fuck me my buddy list wont come up again. So ive fucked aol 9 off out of it and put 8 back on.It appears to be ok now, but i'll see how it is in the morning.

The car thankfully has behave itself for the rest of the day. Im just hopeing it starts in the morning, otherwise it means i have to spend £55 ( roughly $ 70 ) on a new battery. There goes my fucking weekend!!

To top it all, it's -4 degress tonight. We've got a heavy frost which came down at 6 o clock tonight. To say it's fucking freezing is an understatment.

Right, as you can tell by all my swearing..im not a happy camper tonight at all.So im off for a good sulk to myself.

P.S. I took Antony to work today...he brightened my day up at least!!

Friday Morning

Fucking AOL is playing up again. I cant instant message anybody, and my budy list isnt showing. Its not just me because I phoned my mate last night and his isnt working either.

To top it all, I went out to move my car this morning and the battery was flat. I got my sister to come round and give it a jump start. We could'nt get to the battery so we had to push it up the road a bit. I never realised how much a B.M.W weighs. We were both out of breath afterwards.

Hopefully this isnt the start of a shit day

Thursday, 18 November 2004

Thursday night

Its freezing, its pissing down and its blowing a gale. Its a very shit evening weather wise, they are forcasting snow for the weekend. I love the snow so I hope it does.

Work was surreal today. The last couple of weeks weve had to many people and no work. Today we had not enough people and to much work..kind of ironic...dont you think. I was clearing today, which was good as it means I didnt have to spit my dummy out at the management. On the whole just a normal shit day.

Right, five knuckle shuffle time then bed

Thursday morning

It's a loverly wet and cold morning. Very dull indeed. Ive just got in from taking the dogs out, both them and me are very wet. It was a bad idea I think, they are now running all over the house trying to dry themselves. Ive noticed they are using my bed to dry myself on and not there own!! Next time I have a bath i'll dry myself on there bed quilt and see how the little bastards like that!!

Thursday is normally quite good at work, so hopefully I'll have a good day. If im dropping again today, I might have to spit my dummy out at the management and go clearing. I hate dropping.

We lost the football last night aswell. To be totally honest, we played like absolute wankers. It was a total disgrace of a game, the Spanish were all over us. Not even the sight of Alan Smith with his top off cheered me up!!

Oh well

Wednesday, 17 November 2004

Wednesday night.

I dont often say this, but I had a fucking good laugh at work today. It was general piss taking, but it was really good fun with everyone involved. The day otherwise would have been so boring. We've got a lot of promotions going out this week, so we have been quite busy today. Loads of old shit going out by the pallet load.

Right im going back to watch the football..we are losing to the Spanish...bollocks

Wednesday morning

Well Lee and me managed not to have an argument last night. I was quite surprised by this as I thought he was gearing up for one. He gave me 20 questions about my new trainers ( sneakers ) and my new clothing sports wear. I just told him I was having a mid life crisis and that our friend Mike did the same thing when he was my age. Strangly he brought this utter bullshit!!!

Work yesterday was boring as usual. Robert and me had a really good chat over dinner. His girlfriend has told him she wants some space. Now.. we all know what that means dont we!!! I told him to hold off getting her a christmas present. My other mate Craig is still off. His mother in law died Monday morning and his wife is very cut up about it, so he's having this week off to comfort her and the children, and to help make plans for the funeral. I feel so sorry for them, Craig's wife is a loverly woman and she'snursed her mumall year while she's had luekemia. Sadly it got the better of her..such a shame. I got a text from Mark the other day saying that he is coming back to work next week, so I will have a full compliment of friends for dinner. We haven't all been together for ages, it'll be good to catch up.

Lunch time then off to work..catch you all later

Tuesday, 16 November 2004

Tuesday morning

At last I appear to be in a good mood!! I had a fairly good night's sleep which has helped. Antony text me this morning being silly, which cheered me up a lot. I ve got Lee coming to stay tonight, and im just wondering how long it will be before we have a row. He'll be hear about 11pm, so I give it to at least 11.30 ha ha!!!

Right im going to take the hounds out!!

Monday, 15 November 2004

Cryptic writings#17

No one knows what its like

To be the bad man

To be the sad man

Behind blue eyes


No one knows what its like

To be hated

To be fated

To telling only lies


But my dreams

They aren't as empty

As my concience seems to be

I have hours, only lonely

My love is vengence

That's never free


No one knows what its like

To feel these feelings

Like I do

And I blame you


No one bites back as hard

On their anger

None of my pain and woe

Can show through


But my dreams

They aren't as empty

As my concience seems to be

I have hours only lonely

My love is vengence

That's never free


When my fist clenches crack it open

Before I use it and lose my cool

And when I smile, tell me some bad news

Before I laugh and act like a fool


If I swallow anything evil

Put you fingers down my throat

And if I shiver please give me a blanket

Keep me warm let me wear your coat


No one knows what its like

To be the bad man

To be the sad man

Behind blue eyes


monday night

Im still in a funny mood. Lee has phoned me 4 times today, which hasn't helped me today at all. he has been giving me untold shit.

The rest of the day was just as boring. There was nothing really doing at work.I gave me a load of time to think though. I want to get a very powerfull motorbike, i want to play drums in a thrash metal band, I want to drive around Europe and take in all the capitol cities..that includes Red Square in Moscow. I want a tattoo that goes from my head down my neck and down my arm. Im fed up of running around trying to please other people all the time. Im going to do thing's that I want to do for a change.! I know that sounds a bit selfish, but its not really. It's just a few things that i want to do that Lee doesn't want me to do..because HE doesn't want me to.

Dont my feeling's count?

monday morning

Well, I still dont feel any better than I did last night.Ive got work today at least, so they will cheer me up somewhat.I need to make some changes. Im going to have a think about it at work today and see what i can come up with. Getting into playing with a really heavy band would do me good I think It would get a load of aggresion out of me...

Sunday, 14 November 2004

Cryptic Writings #16

I was only joking my dear

Looking for away to hide my fear

What kind of fool was I?

I could never win


Never found a compromise

Collected lovers just like butterflies

Illusions of that grand first prize

Are slowly wearing thin

Lee my baby you were good to me

Givin love unselfishly

But you take it all to seriously

I guess it'll have to end


Now you ask me if im sincere

Thats's a question that I always fear

verse seven is never clear

But i'll tell you what you want to hear

I try to give you all you want

But giving love is not my strongest point

If thats the case it's pointless going on

I'd rather be alone

'Cause what im doing must be wrong

Pouring my heart out in these song's

Owning up for prosperity

For the whole damn world to see


Quietly now as I turn the page

Act one is over without costume change

The principle has to leave the stage

My crowd dont understand

Cryptic Writing's#15

Day after day

Our love turns grey

Like the skin of a dying man

Night after night

We pretend its alright

But I have grown older

And you have grown colder

And nothing is very much fun anymore

And I can feel

one of my turns coming on


Run to the bedroom

In the suitcase on the left

You'll find my favorite axe

Dont look so frightened

This is just a passing phase

One of my bad days

Would you like to watch t.v.?

Or get between the sheet's?

Or contemplate the the silent freeway

Would you like something to eat?

Would you to call the cops?

Do you think its time I stopped,

Why are you running away?

Cryptic Writings#14a ( Because I fucked up!! )

Every year is the same and I feel it again

I'm a loser, no chance to win

Leaves start falling, come down is calling

Loneliness is starting to sink in

But I'm one

I'm one

And you will see that this is me

I will be, you'll all see i'm the one


I got a Gibson without a case

But I cant get that even tanned look on my face

Ill fitting clothes and I blend in with the crowd

Fingers so clumsy and my voice to loud

Cryptic Writing's #14

Someone help me,

Please god help me,

Try and take it all away

I dont want to die!!!

Totally fucked off!!

I have no idea what is wrong with me, but I have got a really black mood tonight. I feel very lonely and out of place. I always seem to end up alone. Strangely tonight, I was in a room full of people and felt totally alone.I  had no connection with them at all. Am I depressed or something, or is it the tablets doing this to me? I left in the end as I felt I was going to explode in rage. I went for a thrash around in the car for a little while, then I got myself a bottle of brandy and came home to get myself pissed up. Ive started drinking again which isnt good, but it helps numb the pain im feeling.

Ive said this to someone before, but I can be in a room full of people, and feel the loneliest person on the face of the earth.

Im going to find a picture of Kerry King to put up. I want a tattoo like his.....fuck everyone else. Kerry and Rob Halford from Judas Priest..2 of my hero's. I think im becoming a bear. i dont like them sexually though!!!

Brandy Bad!!!!

Repeat after me everybody. BRANDY BAD!!!!. I have the hangover from hell this morning.The night was really good..well what I can remember of it. I saw loads of people last night that I haven't seen for ages. I dont remember leaving the pub and getting home. Lee came back with me, just to make sure I was ok. I think I had 4 pint's of real ale, then 10 brandy and coke's. That never used to be much for me, that I was impressed with myself.Needless to say, Im suffering for it today.

Not got much planned again for today.Ive got to do a little gardening whilst the weather is nice.Ive got to do a bit of cleaning on thr car aswell.It's covered in mud from all the rain we've had.

Well off to work we go...

Saturday, 13 November 2004

Saturday morning

Well...good morning all!! Work was piss boring yesterday, not to mention cold!! After work I went to pick up Antony and we went to the pub to see a few friends.I was late so we ( he !! ) didnt have much to drink. After the pub we just went for a little drive around.Mainly just to see if we could see any pissed up lads on there way home from the pub. Unfortunatly I had a little accident. The car is fine, but my hands are all cut up.The story is..is that I really needed to have a wee. So I parked up in a quiet place and found somewhere to go.Unfortunatly, I failed to realise that I was on a bank,and I slipped and fell down it.The problem was that I landed in a thorn bush!!! My hands are very scratched up, but fortunatly my cock is fine!!.Antony found this very funny indeed...cunt!!!!

I haven't got much planned today, I need to do a few jobs and take the dogs for a walk.Im taking Antony to work at 5pm, so tonight I think I might have to go to the pub with the wife ( Lee ). I think he's realised that something is up with the relationship.He keep's questioning where im goingand who Im out with. As I pointed out to him, it's none of his buisness and do I ask him who he's out with any minute of the day..point taken!!.

Im also really happy as Ive just landed myself a gig just before christmas. My manager at work is a drummer, amd his band are doing a pub gig and he cant make it.Ive played a couple of song's with his band before so they are cool that I do it.I'll be playing the drums with them instead of the guitar.Im going to have to get some practice in and get in shape again.He e-mailed me a list of songs they do, and It doesn't look to hard, there's just a couple of song's that I need to learn the arrangements for. Im well excited!!!

A special for NJ.

Take the piss......This mean's to make fun of someone at they're expense!!

Also known as

Take the piss

Took the piss

Rip the piss 

Friday, 12 November 2004


Im very happy this morning.Ive just gone and brought the new Iron Maiden dvd. I want to bunk of work now so that I can watch it. It's got loads of extra's on it. Well I know what i'll be doing this weekend!!

I went to pick up Antony last night from work.He was having a stress attack so he stormed off home. Bloody queen!!! He was ok by the time we got home. He took the piss out of me so that made him laugh. He showed me how to work my predictive text message thing on my mobile phone..Of course the first thing I did was program all the swear words into it!! I can sort of work it now.

Well..back to the dvd

Thursday, 11 November 2004

For Andy..who gave me this shit!!

I hope you're feeling happy now

I see you feel no pain at all it seem's

I wonder what your doin' now

I wonder if you think of me at all

Do you still play the same move's now?

Or are them move's for someone else,

I hope your feeling happy now.


Just because you feel good ,

it does'nt make you right

Just because you feel good,

I dont want you here tonight,


Does laughter still discover you?

I see through all those smile's that look so right,

Do you still have the same friend's now?

To smoke away your problems and your life.

And how do you remember me?

The one that made you laugh until you cried.

I hope your feeling happy now.

Cryptic Writing's #13

As i look around this room tonight,

Settle in your seat and dim the light,

Do you want my blood?

Do you want my tears?

What do you want?

What do you want from me?

Should I sing until I cant sing anymore?

Play these string's until my fingers are raw?

You're so hard to please,

What do you want from me?


Do you think that I know something, you dont know?

If I dont promise you the answer's, would you go?

Should I stand out in the rain?

Do you want me to make a daisy chain for you?

Im not the one you need.

What do you want from me?


You can have everything you want,

You can dream, you can drift even walk on water,

Anything you want,

You can own everything you see,

Sell your soul for complete control

Is that really what you need,


Boring, boring ,boring!!

Today was super boring at work.It was also bastard freezing!! It abou 8 degress tonight.It wont be long before we start getting a frost. Still, Friday tomorrow and then another couple of day's off. he he.

Poor old Craig's mother in law is in intensive care in hospital. She's got luckemia bless her. She's on a life support machine and everything. I really feel for them. They've had a shit year.

Thursday morning

I cant believe I actually went back to work yesterday and had to do some work!! How rude is that!!. Bastard's!!! They're making me pay for having time off..Mark is still skiving off, Craig's mother in law is very ill so he's still off, Gary and Ian are on holiday, so its just me and Rob again for dinner.

Ive just got back from the hospital ( again ). They say my liver is ok..which is good..My sugar levels are good and Im generally healthy. They took some more blood's just to see how my viral load and cd4 counts are. At the last check, the virus was virtually undetectable in my blood stream. Thing's might be looking up for a change..

Ho Hum off to work I go..

Wednesday, 10 November 2004

Back to work : - (

First of all..Let me just say a BIG thank you to NJLB and CUBBY for the information on Jill Scott. I'll be checking out her website and see what she is about. I hope she's like Eva Cassady, because I liked her.

Right..back to work for me today..bollocks!!!! Its been a good holiday again.It feels funny to go back to work on a Wednesday, but at least I know that I've only got 3 days to do and im off again for the weekend. Craig and Mark are back this week from the dodgy sick period. Rob is back from holiday today aswell, so I will have a full compliment of friends at dinner.

Last night I picked up Antony from work and we went back to his flat.His neighbour downstairs was playing what I loosely call music at very very loud volumes!! It was some dodgy R+B rap music shit, which I cant stand. Antony was getting very badly pissed off with it, so we went for walk around Chatham. It was fucking freezing at first, but we soon warmed up.The river looked wonderfull and peacefull, that's you looked past the shopping trolley's.When we came back, the music was still going on, and the bloke had some guest's turn up.This we thought was bad..but the fucked off out to a club.Thank god!!! Not long after that, I had to go and pick misery guts up. Came home, went to bed, woke up, took him to work, took the dogs out, and wrote this shit. So there we have it.

Have a wonderfull day all....

Tuesday, 9 November 2004

Last day of my holiday

Its only 12.21 and ive done so much already. I was out at 10 down the local clinic to have ANOTHER blood test. This time it's for my diabetes. Ive got to go to the diabetic clinic in a couple of week's, just to check things are ok. Im starting to lose track of all these clinic's and hospital appointments that I have to go to.

After that I popped down the town to do some shopping.Its market day today so there was lots of fresh fruit and veg stalls about. I got myself some new skids ( underpants NJ ) at a very good price, met my sister by the toilet's,( I wonder what she was upto? ) and then came home.

I was just settling down when I got a frantic text from Antony saying he had overlaid and could he have a lift to work. I obliged. It was good to have a little drive around. Im going to pick him up from work later. I wont be out late as misery guts, oh sorry Lee, is coming to stay tonight. That 3 times in a week..some kind of record!!!

Monday, 8 November 2004

Oh dear!!!

I did something this evening,that im very embarresed about, but looking back was very funny. I was playing along to a song on the guitar, at great volume it must be said, and I was getting very very into it.Unfortunatly I got a little tooooooo into it and broke a string. Well that's nothing bad I hear you say! Well no, but I got so frustrated by it,I took the guitar off and threw it to the floor. How Pete Townshend of me!!! Thankfully the guitar didnt smash as is ok, but I dread to think what would have happened if I was playing a gig when it happened. Oh well..bloody musicians!!!

Today I really didnt do a lot apart from play cd's at a neighbour bothering volume.I love having days like this.Im going to have another one tomorrow. I took Antony to work at 3.30pm.He is making some changes to his life.It'll be for the better so good luck babe!! Im behind you all the way!!!.

I spoke to Lee tonight, he's in Bognor Regis ( its a shithole on the south coast of Sussex in England NJ ) on somekind of course for his job. He was a bit pissed and was just trying to find his room at the placve he's staying at.He's sharing with another guy from a different branch of his works. This I dont mind at all I just hope he behave's himself. Not in a cheating way..but lets put it this way..Lee does some of the most horrifying farts that I have ever heard or smelt!! Im going to get the boy a colonic for christmas I think.


Not a lot doing this morning.Im just going to relax for the next couple of days before I go back to work on Wednesday.

I went to Antony's last night.He was in a hell of a mess from far to much alchahol over the weekend.Been there, done that,got the the liver problems to prove it!! He's only 26 bless him.I was like that at his age.Given the chance,I'd still be like it now! We watched a couple of d.v.d.'s and relentlessly took the piss out of Jamie.He wasn't happy so I fucked off home.I was really tired aswell,so a fairly early night did me good.

Time to find something to do!!

Sunday, 7 November 2004

Sunday morning

The fireworks were great last night.Antony, his boyfriend Jamie and Antony's work collegue Katie went aswell.Now..If you know your going to watch a firework display in a field,after its be drizzling with rain, you dont wear high heel shoes do you? Now do you? Typical malt!! ( woman NJ ) Her feet were cold and rotten with mud, and probably some dog shit thrown in for good measure!! Jamie was drunk and would'nt belt up for five minutes.Antony and myself turned our backs on them and left them to it.It was quite funny really.

After the fireworks, and a lying phone call to Lee about who I was out with, I walked back to Antony's to pick my car up.I went and got Lee and we went to a super boring gay pub called The Queen Anne. I tell you what, I bet there was more action in the pope's bedroom last night than there was in that pub!! Im not joking..there was about seven of us in there.Now normally I would get pissed just to numb the boredom, but as I was driving and Im not aloud to drink until they get my liver sorted out..it was pints of coke for me.

Life can only get better..Cant it?

p.s. Im now learning how to play Over the Hills and Far Away on the guitar.The version on How the west was one is great.Very powerfull when it cuts in

Saturday, 6 November 2004

Saturday morning

Just a quick one..and no not a wank..I had a loverly sleep last night,and I got up fairly early this morning and had a bath and did some jobs. Im just of to pick Antony up to take the dogs for a walk in the fields.We are going to a fireworks display tonight.It's normally really good.They have a huge bonfire and a fun fair there aswell.

Hopefully it will be a good day!!!

Friday, 5 November 2004


Friday 5th Novenber..my sisters birthday..and the air is already thick with the smoke of bonfires and fireworks.Im going to my sisters tonight for a party.I managed to remember her birthday,but completely forgot to get a card until this afternoon.What a wanker!!! Never mind.

The computer has been pissing around again today. I downloaded update's for my Norton antivirus, and it fucked my AOL connection up.After a 20 minute phone call to AOL and doing a system restore, I finally got it working. I hate computers!!

Thursday, 4 November 2004

A Special for NJ

English slang for Masturbating!!!!

1 Band/ Smack/ Crack one out

2 Hand Shandy

3 Five knuckle shuffle

4 Bash the bishop

5 Pull the plonker

6 Wank

7 Pull the pork sword

8 Jostle

9 Go and have a sex wee


Another joyous day up the hospital.Today they said that I was jaundise and I had to have a liver function test.Only something else to go wrong I suppose.On top of that..the old lady is being a total self pittying bitch today for some reason.She need's to die, she's doing my head in!!

Ive just got in from taking the dogs for a walk, I went back to Mote Park again and this time we walked all the way around the lake. Never again!! It was fucking miles!!

Wednesday, 3 November 2004

Cryptic Writings#12

I've had enough of being nice

I've had enough of right and wrong

I've had enough of trying to love my lover


I've had enough of being good

And doing all the thing's I'm told I should

If you want a lover

You better find another


Life is for the living

Takers never giving


Suspicion takes the place of trust

My love is turning into rust

If you get on the wrong side of me

You better run for cover


I've had enough of being trodden on

My passive days are gonna be long gone

If you slap one cheek

Then I aint going to turn the other

Wednesday evening

Another suprising day today.Lee didn't ring me, so I threw the dogs in the car and phoned Mr.B to see if he wanted to come with me,which he did.We took them to a place called Mote Park,which is an old country estate that is open to the public.By way of a little history story, Lord Bearsted used to live in the mansion, and he was the man that started the Shell oil company...didn't know that did ya?!!!!! Anyway, we watched as little Ozzy chased crows around the field, and Guss sort of half arsed running after him.Well it saved us walking!!

After that we took them home,and we decided to take a drive to Canterbury,or Cunterbury as its known locally.Its a loverly city with lots of Roman ruins still standing.Most of the city wall is still there and you can walk along it..I love that sort of history stuff.I really want to go back there when I have more time and really explore it.

When we got back, Antony surgested that we get some d.v.d's in, so we went to blockbuster and got a few films.Tonight we watched, The day after tomorrow and Swat. Both were good films I really enjoyed them.I ate far to many sweets though, and Ive got hospital in the morning..bollocks!!

Hopefully all will go well at the hospital to tomorrow.I think ive just got to go to see if my results from the last set of blood test's is ok,and that my treatment is working.My immune system tablet's were'nt working so they had to change them.After that I'm going to see Lee and were going to take the dogs for a walk.It'll see funny being out with him and not Antony.Definatly wont be as much fun.

Anyway's.....time for a jostle ( another name for a wank NJ ) then off to bed as I have to be up early.


Well, yesterday was slow and relaxed,which was nice.Mr.B didnt get up until 3pm ( lazy bitch ) and I went round there at about 4.We went to Lakeside which is a big shopping center in Essex,to have a look round the shops.....and have a look at a few fit lads of course.Now the clocks have gone back, it gets dark really early..I dont like it at all.

I dont know what's going on today.I want to see Mr.B, but I think Lee has something planned for me.If he does'nt ring me soon,then i'll sort something else out for the day.I might change my drum kit round a bit to make it bigger.Ive got a few more drums I can add.

Oh just remembered...Ive got another week before I go back to work!!! Yipppeeee!!!

Tuesday, 2 November 2004

For Lee

Sometime's I feel like I'm beating a dead horse,

I dont know why you've bringing me down,

I'd like to think that our love's worth a tad more,

It may sound funny,

But you'ld think by now I'd be smiling

Tired and weary!!

Dear god my feet hurt!!! I had a fabulous day yesterday in London with Mr.B.We went round to Earls Court and I showed him the huge arena there, then we walked up the road and I showed him where Freddie Mercury used to live.You cant see a lot as they have put up a big fence around the 15ft wall they have.

Then we took the tube upto the new Wembley Stadium that is being built.The place is going to be fucking huge when it finished.It easily going to be double the size of the old one.

After that, went back into the center of London and had little walk along the south bank of the Thames.I showed him the studios where they make on of our morning television programs.You could see all the set and lights.We had  look at some sites like Big Ben and Scotland Yard police station,as he didnt know were they were.Well he knew where big ben was!! Then it was upto Piccadilly circus and Leciester Square,the a little pub crawl around the gay bars of central London.Both got pissed ( some more than other's ) then we got the train and came home.All in all a fun day. I'll post some picks up for your viewing pleasure.

Monday, 1 November 2004

Fucking Flu Jab

This flu jab is making me feel well shit! I was really down and quiet all of yesterday, i just felt so rough. Im a bit better today, but I still dont feel right.

Im off to London today with Mr.B.We are going to have  look round and to have a few jolly's ( beers NJ ) which mean's he'll get me really pissed.Im really looking forward to it.Im taking my digital camera, so i'll put some pics up during the weeks.

Going out with the dogs, then im off to HAVE FUN!!!!!