Monday, 31 October 2005


A little P.S. foot note to the last entry, I've just watched them play Bohemian Rhapsody with Freddie Mercury singing on the screan at the back of the stage and I've cried my eyes's beutifull..he was so good. I remember the day he died..i cried my eyes out for hours. I've visited his NJLB if you want to see it when you come over i'll take you there.

I Got Some News

Its ironic that I should be listening to this song and typing this after what I've said in past entry's, but...Im back with Lee. I know what I said in the past, but I miss him so badly and I really do love him. The trouble we had I think was that we never talked to one another about our problems, and it just built up to a head and something had to give. We have talked a lot about it, and have agreed that we needed the break. Things are going slow and I suppose we are starting again from scratch really. I do love him with all my heart.

Antony has not taken to well to it, so I'm giving a few days to sort himself out. I do care deeply for him, dont get me wrong and I'm not going to abandon him, things wont change as far as I'm concerned.

On another note, I went out with Craig today to the golf driving range to bash a few balls about ( cough cough ). I was hitting every ball straight down the spout and he was getting shitty with me because I haven't played golf for 13 years. So I'm going to get myself a set of bats and practice more regulally. After that we went looking at cars. Now this is a bad point. We went to a Ferrari garage because he had never seen one for real, and the were loads of them there. I saw an old one that I could afford to bye, it was £14000 (  $27000) which is well cheap for one. I now have my heart set on it. Ive always wanted  a Ferrari since the days of Magnum, and I think this is my chance of getting one.

Yet another note.. Those of you who like Queen, get the new Return Of the Champions DVD..its fucking magic!! I was a bit dubious about Paul Rodgers at first, but having listen to the c.d. and now watching the DVD, he's fucking great.Plus they do a load of old Free and Bad Company songs, which are really cool. Roger Taylor still cant sing for toffee though..his aids song is cool though

Sunday, 30 October 2005

Farting at the Theatre

I went to see my neice in her dance show last night. For the second year running I failed to notice her and had to ask which one she was. They all looked the same so it was hard to tell the difference between them. She was really good, as were all the performers. My favorite bit though was when they did a Disney section, and they had all these kids dressed up as lions and tigers ( and bears oh my!! ) doing little dances to the Jungle book and the Lion King. They were only about 4 or 5 years old and they were really sweet.

During the performance I had a bad stomach cramp and needed to let some gas go as it were, so I waited until a loud section of the show and let one rip. No one will notice I thought...but it stunk unfortunatly. I tried to blame someone else but I was rumbled..never mind!!

Friday, 28 October 2005

Pissy Friday

Another pissy dull Friday. Its rained here for the 6th time this week, and to be perfectly honest I'm getting the right royal ump with it!! Im definaltly a summer person. Give me a hot day anytime of the year.

Tomorrow night I'm going to see my little neice in a show in the local theater. I have no real idea what it is, but I think its a dance show. I saw her a couple of years ago in a dance show and I was so proud of her.

I'm really I off to bed!!

Wednesday, 26 October 2005


Being the complete fucktard that I am, I was too thick to work out how to put the Vivi awards thing in my journal, so I did what any good Brit would do....I STOLE IT!! I must say a big thank you to NJLB as I copied and pasted it from his site. Ha Ha Cheers mate!!

How could you be pissed of with a face like that!!

Tuesday, 25 October 2005

Well Impressed

I'm well happy today!! It might only be a small thing, but I learn how to play Us and Them and Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd on the guitar today. I can play the solo's and everything. Well impressed!! I'm thinking of taking up another instrument. I can play drums, guitar and bass guitar now, so I want to challenge myself a bit more and learn somthing harder. The mandolin is still proving hard, but that has been down to some wanker ( ME!! ) tuning the thing wrong so nothing would sound right on it...ho hum!!. I'm think of taking up the double bass or the cello. I dont know why, but I think they would be really cool to learn.

NJLB has finally given a heads up as to what this whole VIVI thing is all about. I really did have no idea at all, but it is good to see new people reading my thoughts.

Next week, Lee is coming to the H.I.V meeting with me. Our councillor is now frightened as when Lee and me get together we cant keep our mouth's shut, but we have been told that it is our group and we should say what we feel. Its going to be along meeting if we get going, as there are some issues that we have with the way we are getting treated.

I.E. On paper, because I had P.C.P, that technically means that I have AIDS ( as it still does in America ) but this is all working from the methods of 10 years ago when the medicine's were not as good as they are now, so if you got P.C.P they could not treat you and you would die. Now the thing is, my viral load is now undetectable so health wise im just H.I.V. positive, but still on paper an AIDS case. Its confusing and it caused me to have a bit of a strop at my doctor. The way they describe the condition should be upto date to go along with current medicines and practices and not those of ten years ago!!...and another thing that piss's me off....its people saying that I'm suffering from not suffering..I'm living with it and I'm probably more healthy now than I have been since I was 18!!

Ok..I do get little ache's and pain in my joints, but an asprin a day sorts that out, so its nothing to really worry about. I can still do everything that any body else does, and I've got a great network of family and close freinds that know about my illness and could'nt give a flying fuck about it. Its rarely discussed unless I bring it up and they just let me get on with things.

Another thing that gets me ( I'm on a roll here, bear with me ) its the way that people are still ignorant about it and believe it cant happen to them. Straight people are the worst for this. In my country ( England ) there are now more straight people with it than gay men. There has been a huge rise in one night stands with the teeneagers and they are not using protection. They just think a dose of the clap or crabs will be the worst that will happen. The government are not doing enough ( in MY oppinion ) to get the message out that this is a real problem at the moment with the kids, and the figures are only going to go up.

This also go for gay men that are still having unprotected sex with they're of these people reads my journal sometimes..YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!

Its a shitty disease and it should be taken seriously...nobody thinks it can or will happen to them..and speaking from experiance.....IT CAN!!!!

Rant over

Monday, 24 October 2005

Another Gig?

I played another gig on Friday night with another band that I had been told about. Well, I played a 5 or 6 songs with them, and from what they were saying and from what I was told by my manager who was playing drums for them for the evening, they are very impressed with me. I'm really pleased as they play a lot of what I like. AC/DC, Deep Purple, Rush..all the old school rock stuff that I love. I was great and they play so loud, which I love. The drummer they have at the moment plays to quietly and will only play what he wants to play, so they are getting a bit pissed off with him. I've told them that after January I will be able to gig as often as they want, as I should be self employed by then. They're a great band and a friendly bunch of guys and it would be great to play for them. Its the band I've always wanted to join..playing the music I love.

I still cant get my head around this Vivi thing. I dont even know what catergory I'm in. Is it the most babbling piece of English shit catergory? Anyway..what could I win? Still..its nice to be nominated ( thanks NJLB ) and lets see what happens.

Sunday, 23 October 2005

Vivi Awards?

Hello to all the new people that have been to my journal..I do appreciate it, and your kind words. Anyway....What the fuck is this Vivi award thing? I've never heard of it and how was I nominated?, and who nominated me? Not that I'm not gratefull for it, but this was just something I started to get some of my thoughts out in the open. I never thought anyone would ever start to read it. I've been honest through it all, and times have been good and bad over the last year and 2 months since I started it. Its been good to read back through it myself and see what a journey its been. I've made some good friends on here aswell. NJLB, Larry and Cubbycub are all good friends of mine and I love them dearly. We've all talked and helped each other over the year with our issues, even though they sometimes dont understand my English...some things get lost in translation.

Anyway, I went to The Ship again with Lee last night and saw a really crap drag act. They were using jokes from a comedian in the 80's and I new every single one of them. They were better when they just went free flow and took the piss out of the crowd. I'm still fragile at the moment, its 12.20pm and I still feel drunk. I'm going to take the dogs for a walk in a bit to clear my head out.

I've been asked by my H.I.V. councillor to go to a meeting with people in the same situation. I'm half looking forward to it and half dreading it. I can imagine it being full of people feeling sorry for themselves, but we'll see. I get down about it sometimes, but in reality you just have to get on with it. Its not going to go away after all...unless they come up with some wonder drug soon.

Anyway I'm babbling...............

Tuesday, 18 October 2005

Living it Large

I went for a drink on Saturday night with Lee, and it was a really good night, we got on so well. He's changed and I've changed I think. We were actually talking to one another and having a conversation, where as before we would just sit there and ignore one another. I'm pleased.

On Sunday I went looking for cars that I could possibly use for a taxi cab. Unfortunatly I went to a B.M.W garage, and fell in love with a new 5 series. Totally impractical for a cab but its really stunning. So I'm thinking about getting it for me and doing something else for a job. I'm still thinking about getting myself a Gibson double neck guitar like Jimmy Page used on Stairway to Heaven. Trouble is they cost £2000 ( $4000)!!!

Yesterday I went to my Aids doctor. All my counts are good and I've stabled out really well. The virus is still undetectable in my blood, so if I had a blood test now it would come back negative. Its a relief I can tell you. My immune system still isnt working to well, but he's not to bothered by that, although he said that the stress of the situation at work could lead to my counts mucking about. I've just got to keep an eye on things.

83 days to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, 12 October 2005

The Wheels are Falling Off!!

Work is becoming a very big chore now. We are doing even less work and Ive just spent a day sitting on my fat arse again doing fuck all for 10 hours. In November we are going down to servicing 17 stores...yes just 17, from the 140 odd we were doing this time last year. The company have gone into a 90 day consultation period, which they have to do by law, after this they have to say weather we go or stay. The good money is on us being given the chop on the 11th January, which is the day after this period finish's. They still have to give us 90 days notice, but our union are saying that they will pay us that and tell us to fuck of and dont come back. I dont mind losing my job, because they are paying me to go, but I really dont think I can handle another 3 months of sitting around..its min numbing!!

The comedy club was quite good the other night. I was still feeling really crap though and was still being sick when we were in the pub waiting to go in. Like the valiant trooper I am, I managed to carry on drinking beer and after a while I was ok!! I will never learn. On Sunday we assembled Antony's new bed. Unfortunalty the silly bastard didn't measure it and it didn't fit the space that he wanted it in. We litterally jammed it in the space. I've told him im going on holiday when he moves so I dont have to get it out....the bed that is!!

Oh well, bed time for me!!

Only 88 more days to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Saturday, 8 October 2005


My Antony was 27 yesterday and this morning i am sporting the mother off all hangovers!! I've been really sick last night and this morning, but its all my own fault!!

We are going to a comedy club tonight with my friends Craig and Bridget, I hope the comedians are funny, it would be shit if they were just my luck though!!

Sunday, 2 October 2005

Aonther day another doller

I've been off this week just to relax and sort my head out as to what the fuck I'm going to do when I get the bullet from work. I'm going to get my cab licence i hope and do that. It's going to cost me a bit to do and its going to be quite hard, but the pay is good.

Yesterday Ant and me went into London and we had a look round Camden. Its a lot friendlier than central London and its very vibrant there, full of young people of all races and all styles. Goths, Rap boys everyboy..its was a great cultural thing for me to see....and the shopping was good!!

We went to a gaybar called The Black Cap afterwards..I've never been there before and it was a great pub..the staff were nice and so were the people in there...we got very very wasted..haha

I feel really really shitty today, but i really do fancy a Sunday off to the pub i go!!!