Thursday 31 March 2005

Thought's

I wrote somethings down today that are bothering me. Someone is coming to see me on Monday about having a couple of sessions on the couch,,I think I need them

Im Angry At...........

My Mum..

 

For holding me back when I was younger

For making me feel guilty

For being affraid to stand up to her

 

My Dad

 

For leaving me when I was 14 years old and really needed him

For never coming to see me or phone me

For not even trying to have a relationship with me

For trying to deny that he knew I was even in hospital

 

At Lee

 

For leaving me when I was ill

For controlling evrthing that I did and who I saw

For always putting me down

For not understanding me

 

Myself

 

For letting myself get this illness

Letting myself be controlled

I'm scared of people thinking I'm a failure for not coping with the illness

I'm still not coping with being the " Unconventional " gay man..liking heavy metal and the such like.

I miss the brother I never had..and would have loved to death

The feeling of always being on my own...I'm there when people want me and put to one side when they dont want me.

These are just a few things that I came up with today....I think it will help to talk to someone about it and get my head sorted

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

You sure said alot fo the things I feel..wish i could give you a big hug and be closer so we could chat and hang out..good you are getting the things out no good to keep it bottled up at all. Love ya'

Anonymous said...

Yes..I found that talking to someone really does help.  Trust me you will feel much better.

NJLB
http://journals.aol.com/njlittlebear/MyBigFatGeekLife