Happy Birthday

HAPPY 60th BIRTHDAY MUM XXXX

Not as Depressed

I'm not as bad now as I was on Saturday, but the whole Lee thing is still playing on my mind. I've been with Antony and he has cheered me up somewhat. Craig at work has been great aswell, he just told me that it will be ok and to keep focused on myself and not what he's upto.

Its only 6 more days till i'm off. Antony has been making some lists of stuff that need doing, and what I need to bye. This weekend is going to be manic. There is so much to do, what with packing and stuff, and getting last minute things, i'll need this fucking holiday!!

Tonight I went along to the jam night again. The bloke in the band that I was auditioning for has turned out to be a bit of a wanker, but as luck would have it, I've caught the eye of a very talented ( and super sexy ) young guitarist. He always waits for me to turn up after work so that he can play with me ( no not like that!! ) We have very similar tastes in music so we work quite well. After we played we had a little chat and he says he is well impressed with me, so I said to him that if he ever needed a drummer, just give me a call, to which he replyed that he had been thinking about it. This is good, as he's a nice bloke aswell. I'll see what happens after my holiday

Not a Dry Eye in the House

Not a dry eye in the house

After love's curtain comes down

Listen and you'll hear the sound

Hear the sound of a heart breaking

 

Not a smile left on my face

The endings just to sad to take

And theres not a dry eye

Not a dry eye in the house

 

I'm Scared

I'm scared to move

I'm scared of standing still

I'm scared to change

I'm scared to stay the same

I'm so scared I want to die

I'm so scared of dying

I'm so scared of not being liked, not being loved

I'm scared to be alone

I'm scared of being with people

I'm scared of dissapproval

I'm scared of life

I'm so scared to lose what I've built

I'm scared of feeling of feeling scared

I'm scared of being ugly, being boring, being dull

I'm scared of my thoughts

I'm scared of being found out

I'm scared to dance

I'm scared to speak, to sing

I'm scarecd to say what I think

I'm scared to say no or yes to often

I'm scared of dissapointing

I'm scared of losing control

I'm scared of pain, of hurting, of being hurt

I'm scared this will go on till I die

I'm scared my heart will break

I'm scared of losing myself

I'm scared of finding myself

Because there might not be anyone there at all

I'm scared of the unknown future

I'm scared i'll make the wrong turn

I'm scared of the dark

I'm scared of failing

I'm scared it may all be for nothing

 

Too Much Love Will Kill You

I'm just the pieces of the man i used to be

Too many bitter tears are raining down on me

I'm far away from home

And Ive been facing this alone for far to long

I feel like no one ever told the truth to me

About growing up and what a stuggle it would be

In my tangled state of mind

Ive been looking back to find where I went wrong

 

Too much love will kill you

If you cant make up your mind

Torn between the lover and the love you leave behind

Your heading for disaster cos you never read the signs

Too much love will kill you everytime

 

I'm just the shadow of the man I used to be

And it seems that there's no way out of this for me

I used to bring you sunshine but all I ever do is bring you down

How would it be if you were standing in my shoes

Can't you see its impossible to choose

No theres no making sense of it

Everyway I go I have to lose

 

Too much love will kill you

Just as sure as none at all

It'll drain the power thats in you

Make you plead and scream and crawl

And the pain will make you crazy

I'm the victim of my crime

Too much love will kill you everytime

No more drinking

I've come to the realisation that drinking makes me depressed. We went to Craigs daughters party last night, it was a great night but today I've felt really bad. I cant get the thought of Lee with someone else out of my head. I'm starting to question if I made the right decision. I know deep down inside that I did, but its that although I love Antony dearly, I do miss Lee. Seven years is a long time. Today has been awfull because I have felt shitty and sick all day and I've been in a crap mood. I regretably had a go at Antony over something really silly, which I appologised for, and I was supposed to go to his Dads for a BBQ  and to watch the carnival. In the end I could'nt face it and just dropped him off and came home. I feel really bad about it, and I will say sorry to him when I see him again.

Will this mess ever sort itself out!!

Some Bullshit!!

NJLB TOLD ME TO DO THIS!!!!

Me...

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